Written with love, by Karley Kiker
Okay, ladies. I realize that some of you are newly engaged (after all, this blog is called “The Overwhelmed Bride”), some of you have very recently acquired the title of “newlyweds,” and still others of you (like Taylor and me, for example) have been married for a couple of years but still aren’t feeling exactly parental.
No matter where you’re at in your marriage journey, though, I expect that the topic of expecting (see what I did there) will come up in more than a few conversations over the next few years. The lyrics “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage” didn’t just come out of nowhere, after all!
Although Taylor and I do not have children, we periodically have conversations about what our lives might be like if we did in the future. But that’s just the thing...since we don’t have kids of our own, we’re limited to mulling over hypotheticals. That’s why for today’s column, I decided to interview two of my momma friends on the subjects of A.) Motherhood, B.) Marriage, and C.) How “A” has changed “B.” I’m so thankful that Ericka and Dani were willing to share their journeys with me + anyone else out there who’s in the middle of questions and conversations about the “baby makes three” phase of marriage!
K: What were your expectations about having a baby and becoming a mom, and how have they matched up with (or differed from) the reality?
E: “You can think of my expectations versus reality as Pinterest versus Pinterest Fail, basically. I thought I would have the perfect kid, be the perfect mom, do daily activities to stimulate Kolter’s brain, and always have a clean house. That has not been anywhere close to true!”
D: “I stepped away from a job that I truly enjoyed when our son, Schaeffer, was born. Since I was a little girl, it was always the next step for me (go to college, get married, work, have a baby, stay home with said baby); however, the transition was much more challenging than I had imagined. The days were quieter, the completion of tasks just not as rewarding, the pats on the back (nearly) non-existent. It was a humbling experience.”
K: What are some of the very first issues you and your husband had to work through as new parents?
E: “KJ is a football coach, and football season started on August 14 last year. Kolter was born on August 15, meaning KJ was very busy and didn’t get to be involved as much in the beginning. I started to feel like I was doing most of the work at home, so that’s something we had to discuss in order to keep feelings of resentment from growing. Now we have to both remember how important it is to make time for our marriage through date nights and scheduling getaways. It’s about prioritizing and putting the other person first, just like anything in marriage. If you really have intentions of putting the other person before yourself, everything works itself out.”