My Wife Needs My Affection

Written with live, by Pastor Dave Page

In His Needs, Her Needs, psychologist and author Willard F. Hartley Jr. discovered that the number one need for women is affection. This is the first thing a woman cannot do without. Affection is the cement of a relationship and symbolizes security, comfort, and approval. When a husband shows affection to his wife, he is sending a powerful message to her that says, "I love you. I care for you. I'll take care of you and protect you. I'm concerned for your needs. I approve of you. I am proud of you."

In fact, advice columnist Ann Landers asked her readers if they would be content to forget "the act" if they were cuddled and treated tenderly. More than 100,000 women responded and 72% declared themselves willing to forgo intercourse for affection.

"The importance of sex is overrated," Landers said in a telephone interview. "Women want affection. They want to feel valued. Apparently, having sex alone doesn't give them the feeling that they're valued."

As for men, she added, too many "are using sex as a physical release and it has no more emotional significance than a squeeze." What was most "astonishing," according to Miss Landers, was the fact that 40% of the women who said they didn't need the act of sex were under 40 years of age.

Affection is the atmosphere. Sex is the event.

There is a big difference. Learn to be affectionate. You can't have sex all the time but you can be affectionate all the time. The atmosphere is affection.

I believe that any man can learn to be affectionate. Affection is a habit. Like any habit, it takes time to develop. I suggest you begin by asking your wife what she likes. What makes her feel special?

Below are four ways to show affection:

1. By My Words - how I talk to her. 

2. By My Actions - acts of kindness. I still open the car door for my wife and she loves it!

3. By the way I touch her - gently caresses, hugs, and kisses.

4. By Focused Attention - look her in the eyes when she talks and value what she says.

"Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them...Treat your wives as equals so your prayers don't run aground." [1]

My wife's greatest need is to feel honored. What does it mean to feel honored? Feeling honored and treasured is the feeling that she is more important to me than anyone or anything else. If you focus on meeting your wife's needs in the area of affection, you will see a dramatic improvement in the quality of your relationship.


[1] 1 Peter 3:7 (The Message)