Mom vs Bride

Are you feeling overwhelmed by all of the wedding planning? Is it because you have so much to do? Or because others want to be involved and make decisions, but you cannot stand his or her taste?? Oftentimes, it is the latter and most often it is a difference in opinion between the bride and her mother.

Isn't that just the worst? This is supposed to be the most amazing experience in your life thus far and all you and your mother can do are bicker about which dress flatters your figure more, or which venue is more beautiful, or what the overall theme of the wedding should be! You want a rustic-style wedding but your mother thinks that your big day should be no other than a formal, traditional event. Ughh! No fun at all and this stresses you out even more than you were already stressed by your to-do list!

 Lorusso Studios

Lorusso Studios

So what are you supposed to do?

Well, since my mother unfortunately was not able to be there for my big day, I cannot give you any advice from personal experience. I can, however, offer advice that I have given to many of my past brides all in the same situation, and hope that it will work for you too! We can only hope!

First off, it is the most difficult (and generally the situation) when your mother is the one paying for your wedding. Every bride comes to me and says, "My mom is not going to pay unless she gets her way!" While she may have told you that (and that is a different story), most of you are over-exaggerating the situation because you are stressed out! If your mom wants you to have a formal, traditional wedding THAT BAD, then why would she prefer you to have no wedding at all?  In most cases, you are over-thinking this.

Let's take a moment and step into your mother's shoes...her baby girl is getting married and she wants this day to be absolutely spectacular and one that no one will ever forget! This day has to be perfect in every way! And let's think back to when she got married, the most spectacular weddings were those that were very formal and traditional so you can't blame her to think that in order for yours to be spectacular, it has to be that same type of wedding! Really, she wants the best for you and she is not out to get you, so please just remember that first!

So here is what we are going to do:

Step 1: Sit down with your mom and tell her (very calmly) how you are feeling. In many cases, she is so wrapped into the planning of the wedding and you are hiding your emotions so much that she had no idea you disagreed or wanted something completely different! "Well why didn't you say that in the first place!" If you don't tell her, chances are she didn't even know!

Step 2: If she was aware that you had differing opinions, explain to her why you want the wedding the way you want it. Maybe your fiance comes from a different cultural background and you want to combine the cultures. Or maybe that is just your taste! But you need to explain why you want it how you want it.

Step 3: Ask your mom why she wants it the way she wants it. Why is it so imperative that she have it her way? I can take a guess what the answer is going to be..."I just want this day to be perfect for you and that is my vision of a perfect wedding!"

Step 4: Come to an agreement - "Mom, I know that you really want me to have a traditional wedding but that is really not me. How about we incorporate some traditional aspects into my wedding vision. Although I will not be getting married in a church, I would love to participate in communion during our ceremony. And I would love to have a traditional white gown with a long veil."

 Obviously, these 4 steps are not going to work every time. But a majority of the time, they are going to end at step 1 and everything will be resolved. If worse comes to worse, just remember that you want to make your mom happy and proud just as much as she wants to make you happy. So find a good balance and just be open with her! If you don't tell her what you're thinking, she will never know! Always stay calm, collected, and respectful because I assure you, she does have good intentions.

Happy planning!!