Written with love, by Karley Kiker
Last week I told you guys about the first trip Taylor and I ever took together: a three-day “learning experience” in San Antonio to celebrate our first anniversary. Despite the fact that not everything went according to plan (AKA my attitude completely fell apart and I ended up having to ask for forgiveness more than once), it didn’t take long for us to start dreaming about our next adventure together...a backpacking trip to Seattle, Vancouver, and Victoria!
By the time our second trip rolled around, Taylor had a better understanding of the things I like to do while traveling (eat at unique restaurants, browse artsy shops and museums, sip a latte or six from a local coffee shop), and vice versa (stock the kitchen with items from a local market, then spend the rest of our time and money on hiking, exploring, and otherwise adventuring). And so I decided to do something that’s usually pretty hard for a self-proclaimed control freak: I trusted him.
Sure, I sketched a vague outline of a few things I’d like to see and do in each location. Beyond that, I was completely and entirely dependent on Taylor’s lead. He’s done substantial traveling, isn’t afraid of public transportation, and is 100% more comfortable (and attractive) wearing a backpack than me. It just made sense to turn everything over into his hands. So I did.
Taylor booked our airfare, our Amtrak seats, our ferry rides, and our clipper trip. Taylor bought our bus passes. He tracked each stop on Google Maps to make sure that we got off at the right location. He researched every city we visited and pre-planned day trips he knew I would enjoy.
As for me? I didn’t know which way we were going, what method of transportation we were taking, which bus stop to wait at, or what activity we’d be doing when we arrived. I didn’t book, check in, check out, route, map, or tip. I just went. I just woke up in the morning, got dressed, and walked out the door with full confidence that good things were ahead. I trusted Taylor because he’s done this before. I trusted him because he knows me—what I like and what I don’t. I trusted him because he has my best in mind, he wants to provide for me, and he always keeps me safe no matter where we go.
It wasn’t until after returning home from our trip that the following question hit me: If I can trust the details of so many unknowns to Taylor, why do I struggle to trust the plans of God?
Maybe you guys can relate to this, or maybe you can't. But right after we got married, I started having these phantom fears about losing Taylor. If I didn't hear from him after he got off work, for instance, I feared he had been in a car accident. Or sometimes I would worry about losing him in other ways...like when we get older, if maybe I won't be “enough” for him anymore. Scary thoughts, and also unfair ones considering the fact that they have nothing to do with reality!
The truth is that the Lord has provided for me in every season. He has loved me with an everlasting love. He has given me the gift of a husband who leads our family well. And yet I fear. I grasp at control as if the future is something I can predict, hold, and manipulate. Too often I lock my spine and tighten my shoulders and brace myself for continued battle with a thousand “what-if” questions that only serve to steal my joy in this present moment...and sometimes, Taylor’s too.
But I want to grow; in my relationship with God and my relationship with Taylor. I want to trust; in the heart of my Savior and the heart of my husband. So every dollar we spent on our trip to Seattle, Vancouver, and Victoria was worth it as this realization poured through me: Taylor and I don’t have to know exactly where we’re going or how we’re going to get there. We don’t have to create an immovable five-year plan or make things happen on our own. We have a Father who’s seen all of this before. He’s predetermined every moment of our life together. He knows us both—what we need and what we don’t. He has always provided for us, and He’ll continue to do so no matter what unknowns are still to come on this marriage journey.