A huge thank you to Stephanie for coming up with an amazing list of 20 things she learned while planning her wedding. Since we can't learn before something happens, take these tips to heart and truly consider the ones that apply to you...and especially the ones that are most important to the two of you! Make planning your wedding an experience (a positive experience) that you will never forget!
Written with love, by Stephanie Lisch
My name is Steff and I'm writing this list of advice to help you cope better than I managed to with my own wedding. Don't get me wrong, it was the best day of my life...but there are several things that I look back on now from the planning to the actual day that I could have done WAY better had I known this stuff BEFORE the big day! So here it goes...
1. Don't plan your day around your guests
Sure, keep them in the back of your mind, but don’t go OUT OF YOUR WAY to think about every tiny detail of your wedding for the pleasure of your guests solely. Plan your day around YOU and what the two of you like. Your guests are grownups and will find their own way to the wedding, their own things to do while waiting for photos and funnily enough, regardless of how much you plan your wedding around them, there will always be someone who will find something you didn’t do to consider them.
2. Don't leave it all to the photographer
Photographers shoot in their own style and have their own idea of what’s a good photo and what is not. Even if you have ‘the bees’ knees’ (like we did), don’t assume they will know what you want. Your photographer doesn’t know what you like unless you tell them what you like. Chances are, some of the photos you like of their work were not their ideas, but requests from their brides and grooms. Don’t miss out on a shot with your Mum or a 3 Generation shot because you forgot to tell your photographer it was a priority to you.
3. Don't have the Hens or Bucks night a week before the wedding
Avoid this at all costs, it’s stressful! We thought we had no choice at the time as most of our guests who we wanted at the Hen's and Buck's were flying in from different places the week before. You do have a choice. Don't have it the week before unless it's LOW KEY. Seriously, what happens if your groom comes home with a huge bruise on his face… It’s a little too late when you're a week out, isn't it?
4. Delegate
LEARN to delegate. I had no idea how to do this. I wanted to look after our "Wedding Baby" all by myself as I knew exactly what I wanted and I didn’t trust anyone else with it. Don’t think for a second that the people around you don’t have good ideas, if not BETTER ideas than you. You’re stressed, you’re tired, you’re thinking about the whole package so YOU DON’T have time to plan each individual thing to the high standard that you have dreamed of. You are not super woman, you are HUMAN! You have bridesmaids and family, use them! You will be surprised by the brilliance that they come up with. Why? Because they're focused on making ONE THING amazing for you.
5. Avoid Any Negative People
No matter who you are, you are bound to find un-supportive and negative people who have nothing positive, helpful, or nice to say about your special day. Surround yourself with the people who love you and will keep you grounded. Don’t listen to the 'meanies', whoever they are, even if they’re family. Keep them at distance and only speak to them about your wedding when you absolutely HAVE to. Don’t let anyone try and control your wedding and talk you into their ideas over your own. (We had LOTS of these people. It sucked, but we got through it!! You can defeat them by avoidance of the wedding topic all together around them!)
6. Don't 'Over Shrine' the Deceased
Hello, there are still people in your life who are living!! Sure, mention Grandma once and have her photo on your bouquet, but don’t do it over and over and over and over. Why? Because it hurts the Grandma who you love, who is sitting RIGHT THERE in front of you and is STILL ALIVE! No one wants to feel as if they would be loved more by you if they were dead. Weddings have a funny way of doing this. Unfortunately for us, it was more our guests who just 'had to mention' those who had passed a million times. That one, well it was out of our hands.
7. Start Everything Early
3pm Ceremony? Start earlier. If you want incredible photos, give your photographer the time to get them!!!! Hair, EARLIER. Make-up, EARLIER. Speeches, EARLIER. First dance, EARLIER. EVERYTHING EARLIER!!! You don’t want to rush, so give yourself MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME to be ready. I’ve heard many people say ‘ohhh you don’t want to be ready too early, otherwise you’re sitting around bored’. RUBBISH!!! Who would get bored looking FABULOUS with their favorite women surrounding them and a photographer in tow?!!! Think of all the incredible things you could do. Eliminate stress and do everything earlier - free up that dance floor time earlier to let your hair down and party longer!!!
8. Nominate A Time Keeper
You shouldn’t be and won’t be looking at the time. Get someone to be the time-keeper the token ‘bitch’ if they need to be. Someone has to be looking out for you because you’re not in a capacity on your wedding day to be thinking about what should be happening and at what time. You’re thinking about what your groom is doing? What if you trip? OMG, OMG, OMG?? Etc.
9. Eat More, Drink Less!
Get someone on the food to make sure you are all EATING and not crap, HEALTHY FOOD that will keep you going. EAT when getting ready, EAT at the photo shoot, EAT, EAT, EAT!!!! Hungry people are grumpy people. Don't be a grumpy bride, be a happy one!!! =)
10. Give your MC Guidelines
Give them ‘go there areas’ and ‘don’t go there areas’. People who you want to talk, people who you don’t want to talk. S/he is the one person in CONTROL of your reception, so tell them EVERYTHING about it before and be happy giving off the reigns to them on the night.
11. Don't have an unplugged wedding
We had one. BIG MISTAKE. Your photographer is ONE PERSON. I don’t care who they are, they ARE NOT PHYSICALLY capable of capturing EVERY single moment on their own… Allow your guests to take photos. Don’t limit the precious memories you get back. It might seem like a good idea now, until you get the photos back and realize that’s ALL YOU HAVE as a keepsake of a day you spent YEARS PLANNING.
12. Water, water...but not too much!
on’t forget the water! Have it in the car ready to go. Make sure it’s there on location too. But don't drink too much.. otherwise you will need to WEE! - which brings me to my next point..
13. Wee before you go!
Sounds obvious, but you’re on adrenaline. SO WEE NOW as you have about 3-6 hours between your wedding ceremony and location shoot, before you will get another chance. That goes for the men too!! I remember my husband RUNNING to the toilet when we got to the reception because BUSTING to go!! - Stay classy.
14. Don't Waste Your Money
Don’t bother with the ‘gifts’ even if you are pressured. ARE THEY MAD? Don’t buy in to that. Their gift is the honor to be invited to your wedding, the free food, the free booze, the DJ, the photo booth. They DON’T NEED A GIFT!
15. Plan and allow time for the family photos
Family photos TAKE FOREVER! People walk slowly, people forget their names, forget which family they belong to, people are 'busy’ and it’s INFURIATING! Don’t expect your family to care about your family photos anywhere near as much as you do. Get a list written up of the people YOU WANT in which photos and then give it to either your photographer OR someone who has a great sense of humor and can command a crowd. You will need SOMEONE to keep you sane and to coordinate this for you. The MC, if they’ve got that great kind of personality, would be a good choice. Guys, pull out your deck chairs and chill with a cocktail, it WILL take FOREVER which is why I said start EVERYTHING earlier!
16. Have a plan B, C, and D
Plan A never works PERFECTLY. Make sure you have considered the worst case scenario for some of your ‘big ideas’ as you will probably have to enact one of them. Not only this, make sure you have someone who knows of these plans and can implement them for you. You won’t be able to do it yourself. You’re far too busy spending time ENJOYING YOUR DAY to worry about that.
17. Keep it in Perspective
Find ways to remind yourself of why you’re going through this. You love your partner very much and they love you. Write each other love notes, play together, eat out, take a break and have fun!!! Don’t ALWAYS talk about the wedding. You were someone before you were a crazy wedding planner and you owe it to the sanity of you, your partner and your family to give the wedding talk a break every now and then.
18. Don't forget about everyone else!
While you’re crazy busy trying to plan the biggest day of your life, the people you love are going through stressful things too. Someone’s Grandad has passed away, someone’s lost their job, and someone’s breaking up with their partner. Don’t let wedding planning get in the way of you being there for them! It can wait. Be there for them and they will be there for you.
19. Don't let others call you selfish
You are not selfish. You have probably considered others over 200 times within the last 12 decisions you’ve made. You are just trying to plan the day you’ve always dreamed of. Just because someone disagrees with your ideas doesn’t mean you’re selfish. STAY AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE and TELL THEM NOTHING! I tell you, these people are EVERYWHERE!! RUN...!
20. Live in the Moment
Your Wedding Day is the fastest day you’ll live. Things will go wrong, let them go. People act like losers, let it go. The order changes, go with the flow. This is your day and if something goes wrong, don’t try and change it. It’s your story. Every wedding is unique - embrace your day for what it is. Laugh, hug, cry, dance, sing, run, skip, moonwalk! Do what makes you happy with the people who make you happy! Love every moment and LIVE in the moment by letting all the little things you can’t change go.
...and when you think about your wedding day, always remember...
your day was perfect because you married the one person who completes your life puzzle!
Happy planning ladies! Enjoy the ride, stay classy, don't take things to heart, and ENJOY It!! =) You're NEVER alone, you've just got to reach out and ask for help every now and then!
