She Wasn't There

After a seven year battle with cancer, my mommy went to Heaven. It was my sophomore year in college and although it was six years ago, I remember the day very vividly - where I was, my thoughts, my tears, and even the song that was playing in the background as I was driving home frantically after receiving a call from my little sister who was at home with her. And although I am thankful and so very blessed to have had to chance to spend her last weeks with her at home, it doesn't quite make death any easier.

Being the strong girl I am (or at least wanting to prove to myself and others that I am strong), I flew back to college the following day to start finals weeks, completed all of my finals against my professors' wishes, and flew back home a week later for the funeral.

Fast forward four years...

In December of 2012, Frank asked me to be his wife and of course I said, "Yes!" Without a doubt.

As wedding plans were immediately in full swing, I began to doubt it all. I wanted the plans to just stop. I no longer wanted a wedding.

I didn't doubt the marriage for a second. I doubted the wedding.

How could I possibly have a wedding when my mom was not going to be there? She wasn't going to help me find that perfect dress. She wasn't going to be there getting ready with me on the morning of the wedding, sipping champagne with me. She wasn't going to be there for any of the plans and preparation. And worst of all, she wasn't going to be there, in the front row, shedding a tear as I was pronounced Mrs. Hallak for the very first time.

It was the worst feeling and the worst couple of months. I longed for my mom and all I wanted to do was to elope. No friends, no family, just me, Frank, and a minister.

But Frank wouldn't have it, not because he didn't take my feelings into consideration but because he knew I would regret it every day for the rest of my life if we didn't have a wedding. Family is everything to us and although it seemed difficult at the time, no wedding meant regret in the long run.

She was there...with the best seat in the house

 Bleudog Fotography

Bleudog Fotography

We had the big wedding with all of our friends and family there. We found our perfect venue and partied the night away...and we had the time of our lives.

And the coolest part?? My mommy was there the whole time. She was there with me when I was getting ready that morning, she was sitting right there in the front row of Heaven, and I know she was proud of me and the woman that I have become, celebrating all night long with me. She had the best seat in the house.

We've all lost loved ones and if you haven't yet, you will someday. And although it may seem unbearable to have the wedding without them, just know that they are there smiling down upon you the whole time - through the wedding plans, the celebrations, the "I Do's" and partying the night away. And no matter how hard it may seem, your loved ones would want you to have the wedding of your dreams and not hold back. So if not for you, do it for them :)

My Mommy is with me always and my wedding day was definitely not a day she would miss. I know her too well!

In honor of the loved ones who will be watching down on your wedding day from Heaven, our angels who will be helping us through the ups and downs of marriage, here are some of my favorite ways to honor them on your wedding day.