You're too good at saying "I'm sorry"

Saying sorry is tough. Like real tough. I remember being little and having to tell my sisters sorry for bickering, or sorry for calling them a mean name, and it wasn't easy! I remember writing letters to my parents as an apology because I just couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth.

But I've sure come a long way.

I am great at saying sorry now. I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty sure my husband and I are the best at saying sorry in the entire world. Well, maybe that's a stretch, but we're amazing at it! And if you're not, don't worry...it will come with time. It was not until marriage that I truly mastered the art of the apology!

But for the past couple of days as I've been preparing and thinking about what I want to write about in this article, I've really been contemplating why "I'm Sorry" is so difficult for all of us to say!

A Promise is Forever

The words don't just mean that you are truly sorry for what you did, but act as a promise for the future. Those two words (or three, depending how you say it), are your vow and your promise that it will never happen again. Whatever you did or whatever you said will never occur for as long as you live. Now that's deep!

You prepared for years and years for your marriage, in order to be sure that you wanted to make a promise for forever, and now in just two little words and in an instant, you have to make another promise for forever?

"I will never disrespect you for the rest of my life."

"I will never swear while we are arguing"

"I will never again in my entire life, take my feelings out on you."

"I'm sorry" is a vow for forever. And that is a big promise to make and to keep! And to take it one step further, it is generally thought of as admitting guilt! And that is why it is so hard to say.

It's Just Too Easy

I'm going to take a step back to where I told you how my husband and I are so fantastic at apologizing to each other. And I am not going to take those words back. But I am going to tell you why this skill has actually had a negative affect on our marriage.

1) The second I apologize, the conversation is over. We rarely discuss what has happened and talk together to resolve the conflict. "I'm Sorry" is the only resolution we have in place and it generally ends there. It is our "get out of jail" card...and that is not a good thing!

2) "I'm Sorry" does not stick forever. Because we don't discuss our disagreements and just end them with the apology and go about our day like nothing occured, nothing is ever fixed. And then, the same exact argument occurs over and over again. We do not keep the "I'm Sorry" vow that we've promised.

"I'm Sorry" Is Forever

This short little phrase is one that is imperative in every marriage. But for us, we've gotten too good at it...we just sweep the rest under the rug. Don't get me wrong, I am a strong advocate of apologies, but I am a stronger advocate of apologizes that mean and last forever, and then lead to a healthy marital conversation in order to improve for the future.

No matter how great or how bad you are at apologizing to your spouse, never get too good at the art of the apology. Whenever you apologize, mean it. And vow to make it last forever.

3 Things I Love About You

Written with love, by Pastor Dave Page

Have you ever noticed how so many weddings seem the same? I seek to perform weddings that are meaningful and memorable. The key to achieving this goal is to personalize each ceremony - no cookie-cutter weddings allowed. Every couple is distinct and every couple has a story. It is my job as the officiant to help couples tell their story in a way that reflects their uniqueness, beliefs, and beauty.

I came up with a new element that I call 3 Things I Love About You. I ask couples to give me three things they love and appreciate about their fiancé and summarize these up in three words. I then ask them to write a couple sentences for each word that describes exactly what they love and appreciate so much about their future spouse. If they desire it to be a surprise on their wedding day, I ask they email me the three things separately. They then have the choice to either have me read it to their fiancé or read it themselves.

Here is a real life example:

3 Things Mark Loves About Heather:

1. Her beauty - I often just stand and stare at her from a distance. I am and have been taken back ever since I met her eight years ago. She is my take on what beauty is. Not only from a physical standpoint but also from a beautiful heart standpoint - it's all encompassing.   

2. Her support - She supports and loves for me no matter where I am in my crazy head and no matter where I am in life. She constantly is my support, no matter if I was a bagger at a grocery store or the CEO of a multibillion-dollar company. I love that about her. 

3. Her communication - The way we can communicate is like no other I have met. It's what all should strive for. We flow and it's a natural flow. I love to hear her stories of the day. It's like a movie every night - all I need is popcorn. 

3 Things Heather Loves About Mark:

1. His passion - Mark has a passion for life. From love to work and everything between – he has it!

2. His compassion - Mark approaches everyone and everything with love. I feel so grateful to have someone who loves me this much.

3. His humility - With all that Mark has accomplished, with all he has and is, he remains humble.

3 Things

Why 3 things? There is something magical about the number three. The secret of effective communication is found in the power of three. We find things easier to follow when we can break them down and remember three key things. Many familiar stories are centered on this concept of three: The Three Blind Mice, The Three Little Pigs, The Three Stooges, Three Amigos, as well as Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

I Love and Appreciate

I believe love and appreciation are the greatest gifts we can give to another human being. On the biggest day of your life, why not give the best gift you can to your fiancé by telling and showing them how much they really mean to you. The best way to do this is by speaking from the bottom of your heart.

Take a cue from Wedding Crashers: Rachel McAdams’ character wanted to be funny in her toast. Owen Wilson: “I think you're better off going with something from the heart.” Rachel McAdams: “I think people are going to like this.” Wilson: “I think you're going to hear crickets.” Unsurprisingly, Wilson’s character was right.

The words you exchange to each other during your wedding ceremony should be about vocalizing the true love your heart feels for this person. Expressing your heartfelt appreciation for your partner is not just for the wedding – it is essential to your ability to create happiness, fulfillment, and a healthy relationship throughout your marriage.

About You (The other person)

Simply put, it’s not about you. Love is about putting the needs of the other person above your own. It’s all about encouraging and building them up. The amazing result is that as you seek to meet their needs, your needs will be met in return.

Do I need to stress over this?

I know it's easier said than done. But the only way to get rid of your stress, is to understand the purpose of your wedding day.

The purpose isn't to give your guests a fantastic meal.

The purpose isn't to have a delicious cake.

The purpose isn't to have the most beautiful decor.

But the purpose IS to mark the beginning of a new chapter in your life. The purpose is to marry your best friend, your rock, the love of your life and to keep that marriage strong for the rest of your lives.

So when you are feeling a little stressed about the cake, the floral, the decor, the food or the guest list, just ask yourself this one question...