Learn from My Mistakes

As many of you know, I've been married for a little over a year and a half now. And there are so many things that I learned in my first year of marriage. If you are anything like my husband and I, then you know that being stubborn and being married don't exactly mesh well. Spoiler Alert: We have had to work very hard at "giving in" and it has brought us far...like really far.

I would never have imagined being able to be even more in love with my husband than I was the day I said I would marry him and on the day I said "I Do."

So for those of you who are almost there, have a couple years left, or are in the process of working on your first, second, or even fifteenth year of marriage, I think we can always learn from one another.

This article isn't going to be about anything specifically, but just a learning experience for all of us! Myself, because I get to talk through some of the issues my husband and I have run into and for you, because you may have experienced, be in the process of experiencing, or may experience some of this in the future. And it is my hope for you to learn from my mistakes!

It is a learning process, and the process never stops!

 

Give It Your All

No matter what, give your relationship your all - each and every day...and every second. Whether you are watching a movie together on a Monday night or you are out at the bars with friends, put your phone down, live in the moment, and live within your husband, not just side by side.

 

Never Say the "D" Word

This was actually a rule that I instilled immediately within our marriage. And I failed miserably at it until recently. When times would get real tough and I didn't think we were going to work out (in the heat of the moment), I would throw out that terrible word. And it hurt my husband more than I could have imagined. You will get caught in the moment and think that you two cannot move on, but believe me, it will pass if you work hard.

 

Don't sweat the small, but fight for the big

I know this much easier said than done and when we are just in love and in the moment, I always think about it and get very confused as to why I can't just "give it up" while we are arguing over the smallest things. But it is hard when you are in the heat of the moment. You just have to commit to letting it go BEFORE it gets too far, and move on with your day together.

A while back I interviewed my grandparents for the blog and asked them what their biggest argument was over and how they resolved it. They've been married for 62 years now and both of their responses were, "There really hasn't  been any large argument that we can remember. We forgive and forget." And that is how we should all live.

But if on the other hand, you believe strongly about something, don't just give up and let in. We are all individuals and the point of a relationship is to discuss and resolve. So calmly and collectively express your feelings, look at his/her point of view, understand it, and then decide TOGETHER what the decision will be.

 

Talk Talk Talk

If you don't express your feelings, then he will never know what you are feeling. And that is something I have a very hard time with! I am sad and I tell him nothing is wrong. I am angry and I tell him "I'm fine."

Take the phrase "I'm fine" or "I'm okay" out of your vocabulary. It shuts him out, makes him feel like you don't care about him, and makes your relationship grow further apart. Telling him will not burden him, but will ultimately have the exact opposite effect.

And no matter what, learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. I hope to write a book on my first year of marriage, in hopes of bringing out the bad and the good so future couples can learn from our marriage...stay tuned :) We will never be perfect and no marriage will ever be perfect, in that case, but all we can do is live in the moment and help each other through this difficult yet blissful part of our lives.

Live for your spouse and let him or her live for you.

Now since we are all learning from each other, I would love for each of you to teach me an important lesson you have learned in your marriage! Comment below so we can all teach and learn from each other in order to have a "more perfect" world of marriage :)

My Wife Needs My Affection

Written with live, by Pastor Dave Page

In His Needs, Her Needs, psychologist and author Willard F. Hartley Jr. discovered that the number one need for women is affection. This is the first thing a woman cannot do without. Affection is the cement of a relationship and symbolizes security, comfort, and approval. When a husband shows affection to his wife, he is sending a powerful message to her that says, "I love you. I care for you. I'll take care of you and protect you. I'm concerned for your needs. I approve of you. I am proud of you."

In fact, advice columnist Ann Landers asked her readers if they would be content to forget "the act" if they were cuddled and treated tenderly. More than 100,000 women responded and 72% declared themselves willing to forgo intercourse for affection.

"The importance of sex is overrated," Landers said in a telephone interview. "Women want affection. They want to feel valued. Apparently, having sex alone doesn't give them the feeling that they're valued."

As for men, she added, too many "are using sex as a physical release and it has no more emotional significance than a squeeze." What was most "astonishing," according to Miss Landers, was the fact that 40% of the women who said they didn't need the act of sex were under 40 years of age.

Affection is the atmosphere. Sex is the event.

There is a big difference. Learn to be affectionate. You can't have sex all the time but you can be affectionate all the time. The atmosphere is affection.

I believe that any man can learn to be affectionate. Affection is a habit. Like any habit, it takes time to develop. I suggest you begin by asking your wife what she likes. What makes her feel special?

Below are four ways to show affection:

1. By My Words - how I talk to her. 

2. By My Actions - acts of kindness. I still open the car door for my wife and she loves it!

3. By the way I touch her - gently caresses, hugs, and kisses.

4. By Focused Attention - look her in the eyes when she talks and value what she says.

"Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them...Treat your wives as equals so your prayers don't run aground." [1]

My wife's greatest need is to feel honored. What does it mean to feel honored? Feeling honored and treasured is the feeling that she is more important to me than anyone or anything else. If you focus on meeting your wife's needs in the area of affection, you will see a dramatic improvement in the quality of your relationship.

 ____________________

[1] 1 Peter 3:7 (The Message)

2015 New Year's Relationship Resolutions

With the new year just around the corner, it’s great to think about all that we’ve accomplished in the current year and all that we’re bound to do in the next! As this year comes to an end, most people are coming up with resolutions to help create a better version of themselves in the future. But, what about creating resolutions that help strengthen your relationship with your loved one? We’ve come up with a few resolutions that you and your love can achieve together!

 

Travel

Aim to plan one (or more!) romantic getaways for just the two of you. You’ll be able to let go of everyday stresses and enjoy each other just like on your honeymoon!

 

Make more time for each other

It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day tasks we all have to get done and forget to spend quality time together. Set a required time to spend together and stick to it, free of all distractions. For example, plan to go on a date at least one a week or have a lazy day in once a month!

 

Stay Fit Together

Make the resolution to not only workout together, but eat healthy together as well. Plan out healthy, delicious dinners and spend the evening cooking and laughing together. 

 

Do Good Together

Giving back to others not only does good for you and the community, but can also strengthen your relationship. Think up of ways you guys can give back together, such as volunteering at a food bank or participating in a beach cleanup, and you two will realize how truly luck you are to have each other.