My Wife Needs My Affection

Written with live, by Pastor Dave Page

In His Needs, Her Needs, psychologist and author Willard F. Hartley Jr. discovered that the number one need for women is affection. This is the first thing a woman cannot do without. Affection is the cement of a relationship and symbolizes security, comfort, and approval. When a husband shows affection to his wife, he is sending a powerful message to her that says, "I love you. I care for you. I'll take care of you and protect you. I'm concerned for your needs. I approve of you. I am proud of you."

In fact, advice columnist Ann Landers asked her readers if they would be content to forget "the act" if they were cuddled and treated tenderly. More than 100,000 women responded and 72% declared themselves willing to forgo intercourse for affection.

"The importance of sex is overrated," Landers said in a telephone interview. "Women want affection. They want to feel valued. Apparently, having sex alone doesn't give them the feeling that they're valued."

As for men, she added, too many "are using sex as a physical release and it has no more emotional significance than a squeeze." What was most "astonishing," according to Miss Landers, was the fact that 40% of the women who said they didn't need the act of sex were under 40 years of age.

Affection is the atmosphere. Sex is the event.

There is a big difference. Learn to be affectionate. You can't have sex all the time but you can be affectionate all the time. The atmosphere is affection.

I believe that any man can learn to be affectionate. Affection is a habit. Like any habit, it takes time to develop. I suggest you begin by asking your wife what she likes. What makes her feel special?

Below are four ways to show affection:

1. By My Words - how I talk to her. 

2. By My Actions - acts of kindness. I still open the car door for my wife and she loves it!

3. By the way I touch her - gently caresses, hugs, and kisses.

4. By Focused Attention - look her in the eyes when she talks and value what she says.

"Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them...Treat your wives as equals so your prayers don't run aground." [1]

My wife's greatest need is to feel honored. What does it mean to feel honored? Feeling honored and treasured is the feeling that she is more important to me than anyone or anything else. If you focus on meeting your wife's needs in the area of affection, you will see a dramatic improvement in the quality of your relationship.

 ____________________

[1] 1 Peter 3:7 (The Message)

Engagement = Marriage Planning

Relationships fail. And for some, they seem to fail over and over and over. Is there really someone out there for me? No one ever seems to be good enough! No one ever seems to be who I am looking for and what I am looking for!

I was lucky enough to not have to go through this pain, as I married my first boyfriend. Never have I ever experienced a breakup and never have I ever experienced that feeling of "when will I ever find him??"

But for the majority of people in this world, breakups are experienced and the searching, dating, and praying continues.

Whether you are engaged or not quite there, it is important to think about the qualities in the man or woman that you have found. Your engagement is not only a time for planning your wedding, but it is a time for you to really make sure that you've found the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You may move in together to see what it's like to live with him or you may just spend more time together through the stress of planning, and you may go through marriage counseling as my husband and I did, to discuss the major aspects of marriage that need to be discussed.

But no matter what you are doing and how you are getting there, you need to be absolutely positively 100% sure that he is the one BEFORE you say "I Do." I've never been there, but I can imagine it is far easier to break off a wedding than it is to break off a marriage.

Make Your List

So take a moment to think about your fiancé. Write down the items that you love and write down the musts for a marriage...in your eyes. Does he/she hold all of these qualities right here, right now? I know you think you can change him/her once you are locked into marriage, but marriage is one place you shouldn't be gambling.

And if you don't know where to begin, I've started a list of some of the items I found in Frank (my husband) that allowed me to know that he was the one for me...and still is the one for me. Some of these items may be important to you and some may not be. So use this as inspiration, and create a list FOR YOU.

Your engagement is a time to think about marriage. So make sure you leave plenty of time for it.

How I Knew He Was the One...and still is

1. He tells me I am gorgeous in pajamas and no makeup...and actually believes it.

2. He can't keep his hands off of me.

3. He is far too protective because he wants to keep me safe.

4. He will do things for me that I love, even if he hates doing them.

5. He will apologize and mean it.

6. He feels my sadness and me being happy makes him happy.

7. I still get butterflies around him.

8. He shares my faith.

9. Just because I get the feeling..and I just know.

The Modern Wifey

Written with love, by Lindsay Carroll

If you’re following The Overwhelmed Bride, it’s probably because you are a bride and a wife-to-be.  I can’t claim to have yet been either. However, in my role as a marriage celebrant, I work closely with brides who, after the wedding celebration is over, transition to the more enduring role of wife.

But what the heck is the role of a wife in contemporary times?

Historically, the word “wife” is said to have its origins in the Old English word wif which means “woman.” The word husband comes from the Old Norse word husbondi meaning master of the house. Similarly the word marriage comes from the Latin word mas meaning male or masculine.

When I learned this, it occurred to me that we have so much to celebrate as contemporary women, brides and wives because what we are is so far removed from what it meant to be a wife many centuries ago. Women are political, religious and community leaders, breadwinners for their families, primary caregivers and small business owners.  Many women have had the freedom to marry their love of the same sex recognized. The changes are significant.

If you were to ask me what it takes to be a great wife in 2014, I’d suggest it has something to do with taking care of your mental, spiritual and physical well-being, to look after yourself through building strength and resilience and following marriage, to not lose touch with your identity and all of the things that made you you before you were a wife.  Similarly, to encourage the same practice in your husband will make him a better man and help you both be better co-captains of the figurative ship you’re sailing together.

Sure, the word wife implies that there exists another man or woman legally bound to you in matrimony but your role as a wife is only a fraction of an evolving and complex identity of self. Nurture those other identities and strive to be your best self in order to be a great wife! Simple!

How do you see your soon-to-be role as a wife? We want to hear from you!