Finding Your Happy Place

Written with love, by Pastor Dave Page

I believe we all have them. Places that, being there just makes us happy. Where trouble melts like lemon drops and the stresses of the world just disappear. Where you and your spouse can sit and be content where you are in that moment and not want to leave anytime soon. Where you look around and say, “Wow, this place is amazing. I’m so grateful - #blessed.”

To me, a Happy Place is a place you've been to before. It's not, say, being at Larvotto beach in Monaco, overlooking the Mediterranean Sea on the French Riviera, as wonderful as that may be and as happy as that may make you feel. (And believe me, I’ve been there, it's lovely, and will make you happy). Unless, of course, you have returned several times to the French Riviera to seal the Happy Place deal.

Obviously, this definition of a Happy Place is my definition. That being said, I’d like to share with you our top three Happy Places to go as a couple.

Happy Place #1:  Hawaii (specifically the island of Oahu)

Being on the Island of Oahu is our favorite place to be in the world. We went there on our honeymoon and have been going back ever since. In fact, I’ve made a commitment to my wife to take her each year. We’ve been to other islands but we like Oahu best. We love the beauty, the ocean and the variety of things to do. We enjoy going to Waikiki beach, snorkeling at Hanauma Bay, riding a motorcycle to the North Shore, hiking Diamond Head, paddle boarding, watching the sunset, working out, sitting in the rocking chairs at the Royal Hawaiian, shopping and eating out at delicious restaurants.

Happy Place #2:  Santa Barbara

I became familiar with Santa Barbara by attending college there.  Santa Barbara reminds me of the French Riviera. In fact, it’s been called, “America’s answer to the French Riviera.” Just like the French Riviera, you have the beautiful Pacific Ocean surrounded by majestic mountains. The weather is primarily in the 70’s year round. We enjoy going to the beach, shopping on State Street, visiting Westmont College, swimming laps at the Los Banos Del Mar pool, and eating at our favorite Mexican eatery – La Playa Azul Café. 

Happy Place #3:  Laguna Beach

I started going to Laguna Beach as a kid. My dad owned property there and we could go anytime we wanted. I learned to bodysurf and boogie board in Laguna.  I played in 3-on-3 basketball tournaments on the main beach each summer.  I’d run from “the hole in the rock” to the main beach, exactly two miles round trip.  We like going to the beach, walking on the boardwalk, visiting Wyland’s art studio and eating out.

Do you see anything in common in our Happy Places?  You guessed it - they are all located on the ocean, all of them are beautiful beach cities. We relax best by water. Maybe it’s because God placed us in water for nine months prior to the shock of birth. All I know is that these Happy Places do it for us. Each place has a unique culture, style and vibe. Each place is laid back and fun to visit. 

As an addendum, I’d like to add Auburn, CA to my list. We lived there for ten years and found it to be one of the most charming, unique, and beautiful cities we’ve ever visited. I enjoy running by the American River and swimming in the river. We started a church in Auburn, lived there for ten years, and made some lifelong friends.  Our kids essentially grew up there and still consider it their hometown.  I go back every year and announce my return on Facebook. I let people know I’ll be at a certain Starbucks on a particular day, at a set time, and anywhere from a dozen to thirty friends show up to visit.  Another potential Happy Place is Paris.  The problem is I’ve only been there twice in my life. I plan to get there again soon and take my lovely wife with me.

If you don't have one yet, choose a happy place where the both of you love to escape and vow to return to together on a frequent basis. Happy places help make happy marriages. 

Where is your Happy Place as a couple? I’d be very interested to know where you and your spouse like to go, the place that makes you happy. Please reply and share with me where your Happy Place is located.  My hope is that you will find your Happy Place and visit there often.

Questions you need to ask before you say "I Do"

Rachel Solomon Photography

You're madly in love and the proposal was more beautiful than you could have ever imagined. The wedding plans are well on their way without much of a hitch, and you are just ready for the wedding day to be here!

But have you taken a moment to think about the real purpose of the wedding? You are committing yourself, and your life to this person. You are vowing to stay by their side through thick and thin and with that, comes a whole lot of decisions. You may know each other very well - their lives, favorites, dreams and aspirations - but have you discussed the aspects of every day life that you will soon encounter together?

In my eyes, you just cannot prepare enough for marriage because it is hard work and there will always be ups and downs. But here are some questions to sit down and discuss, to make absolutely sure you are both on the same page before you make this commitment:

How many kids do you want?

If he wants 10 kids and you are not the "baby type," you are probably going to run into some large issues, fights, and arguments within the first couple years of marriage. Are you on the same page?

Do you believe in divorce?

Believe it or not, there are many people out there who believe that divorce is just a way of life - it is inevitable for pretty much everyone, including themselves. Some people believe that marriage may be great for a while but at some point, you'll both want to move on. And if you don't believe in divorce and believe in working hard toward your marriage, on the contrary, then you probably aren't on the same page here!

Do you like my family?

While there are always going to be disagreements between yourself and the in laws, disliking every single one of your fiance's family members could cause some issues. He loves his family and you are going to beg to have all holidays away from them...this may be an ongoing problem in your marriage.

Rachel Solomon Photography

What are your long term goals?

If your fiance just wants to travel the world for rest of his life and you are ready to settle down, then this may not work out too well. Remember, a happy marriage means that BOTH partners are happy and while compromise is one thing you'll have to learn, long term goals that are on opposite sides of the spectrum are bound to cause hardship.

Are you a saver or a spender?

Yes, there are plenty of marriages that have differing opinions on this matter, so this is where compromise comes into place. Come up with a financial PLAN together before you tie the know. Sit down, create a monthly budget, and make sure you have a great compromise between spending and saving. Finances are one of the leading causes of divorce, so this one is huge!

How often will we have sex?

I know this one may seem silly at the time, but when you are years into your marriage (and even before) one of you may want sex 3 times a day, and the other may be okay with intimacy once a month. And this causes a great amount of grief in every marriage if you aren't on the same page on what is acceptable when it comes to intimacy. So be open and talk about it!

There are so many other questions that should be discussed before marriage and it all depends on the couple. What other questions have you and your fiance discussed that you think are important for other engaged couples to think about?

What do you do when your marriage goes south? // Fixing a Broken Marriage

Written with love, by Pastor Dave Page

Marriage is not always rainbows and butterflies. Have you found that to be true? I believe that the hardest thing you’ll ever do in life is to be part of a healthy and growing marriage relationship. It just takes a lot of hard work. Marriages go through stages. So what do you do when your marriage goes south? I’ve been there and done that. Below are 5 things we did that helped save our marriage:

1.  HANG IN THERE

Don’t give up. Try not to walk away. Let any explosive anger begin to dissipate. Try to calm down. Get rid of any drama. Don't separate if at all possible. If you do end up separating, set a future date in which you plan to get back together. Don’t date other people during your cooling down period. When other people get involved it complicates the situation and divides emotions.

2.  GET COUNSELING RIGHT AWAY

The best possible scenario would be for both of you to go to counseling together. If your spouse refuses to go with you then go alone. In our marriage crisis my wife refused to go to counseling. She felt she didn't need it but she encouraged me to go nonetheless. After a few sessions she saw that I was serious and she volunteered to come with me. There are good counselors and bad counselors – get a good counselor. Do the homework that she gives you to do. Most likely it will involve communication and conflict resolution exercises. These were invaluable and I believe they helped save our marriage.

3.  ASK TO BE FORGIVEN AND FORGIVE

I said and did some hurtful things to my wife. She was deeply wounded. Our counselor suggested I write her a letter detailing the ways I hurt her and then ask for her forgiveness. I spent hours writing the letter. I took responsibility for the things I did wrong in our marriage. I took my wife out to dinner and read the letter to her. She was so gracious and forgiving. We both had tears in our eyes. After I shared my stuff, she admitted that she had done some things she regretted as well. It takes two to tango. It was easy to forgive her after she so freely forgave me.

4.  BE WILLING TO CHANGE

I closed off the letter with lyrics from a Lifehouse song called, “Whatever it Takes.” Below is the chorus to the song:

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes

I was willing to do whatever it took to turn our marriage around.

5.  SEEK SUPERNATURAL GUIDANCE

My wife and I are both persons of faith. We believe in God and seek to do His will. Neither one of us wanted a divorce but we were worn out, frustrated and at our wits end. I like what Ruth Graham said when asked if she had ever considered divorcing Billy Graham. Her answer, was, “Divorce? No. Murder? Yes.” I think that’s how we both felt at the time.

I want you to know that there is HOPE. God specializes in resurrections. He can resurrect a dead marriage. Sometimes we need to get outside of ourselves and surrender our will to Him. Faith can go a long way. Jesus said, “With God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).

I know firsthand how excruciating the pain can be when you’re in a difficult marriage. I would be glad to pray for you personally if you email me privately. I will keep whatever you share with me confidential. I’ve never offered to do this on a blog before and may not offer to do it again in the future but would be glad to join with you in praying for you, your spouse and your marriage.

Blessings,
Dave