The Pressure for "Perfect"

Written with love, by Felicia Zammit-McMann

A few weeks ago, I saw a post on social media that read “Avoid these color mistakes.” Intrigued, I kept clicking to see what dreaded colors could never, ever be put together. I was actually surprised because many of the “mistakes” were actually quite nice. Then I got to thinking - If you like two or three colors, and you put them together, how can that be a mistake? Isn’t your wedding about you and what you like? I mean, really? Who’s judging? OK, OK, we’ve all done it, but I’m talking about really judging. What test are you trying to pass and who’s grading? Why are the colors a mistake? Who are they a mistake for? Not you, you’re the one who chose them.

So, then, as the weeks went on, I started noticing similar posts, all from various sources, but all with very declarative statements such as “THE MUST-HAVE…,” “TOP 10 THINGS YOU NEED TO…,” “TRENDS YOU HAVE TO…,” “HAVE AN EPIC…,” “THE EXACT WAY TO…” Wow! Was my head spinning. I was getting nervous just looking at those posts and I don’t even have a wedding to plan anymore.

I know why such statements are made: On social media, it’s essential to grab the reader’s attention. Once you have their attention, they click through to the particular website, the website gets more clicks, and more clicks mean more advertisers, and more money you can charge advertisers. I totally get it.  

Brides, however, are a funny creature (and I can say this because I was one), and rings change a lot of things. What might not have mattered at all prior to being engaged can now be the center of your universe. I totally get that, too. Let’s face it: It’s hard not to let it be all consuming. It’s a big day, a big milestone, one of the most important, special, and photographed days of your life. Of course you want it to be perfect. These days, however, I get the feeling that sometimes weddings become a party to try to out-do someone else’s wedding. Do you get that sense, too, or is it just me? It can be very easy to get caught up by those statements if that’s your goal. 

My advice to all brides out there is this: If you plan a wedding with details that make you happy, that, by definition, is PERFECT. Planning a wedding is overwhelming as is without having to worry about what happens if you put two “wrong” colors together.  What will happen if you do? The only “must haves” are what you want and can afford to have. Trends are important to some, but what happens if you aren’t perfectly “on trend”? Your wedding will be “epic” regardless because it will be the best day of your life, AND the “exact” way to do anything is by doing it the way you want with no regrets!

Are you going to please everyone? No. Is there going to be someone who complains about something or tells you that you are doing something “wrong?” Of course. There always is. But that’s life … there are some of those people in every bunch.

Read everything you want about weddings, and learn from what you read. After all, bridal sources are here to help, and they ARE a great resource and are full of lots of tips, tricks, timelines and guides that really do make you life easier. Just remember that nothing bad will happen if you don’t follow all the rules, and make sure you understand what statements are being made and why. Go with your gut, follow your heart and you have nothing to worry about.