Managing Your Expectations

You just got engaged and the first thing you do is order your first bridal magazine! You see beautiful venues and dresses and find the ones that are exactly what you are looking for! Then you take a look at Pinterest and see so many ideas that you just HAVE to do! After the engagement high slowly fades, it is time to start looking for your venue. You search on Wedding Wire and see so many that you are in love with! After narrowing everything down, you found THE ONE!! Drum roll please...

The highest point in all of beautiful Malibu, California, it is a private residence overlooking the ocean and surrounding vineyards. Everything about it is just perfect! So you click on the website to see the cost...$12,000 for the venue. Okay, no problem! I have a $20,000 budget so will just need to get my dress, floral, DJ, and photographer, and we will be great! Unfortunately, that is wrong. The $12,000 includes the venue and the venue alone. No tables, no chairs, no linen, no food, no shuttle up the long driveway for guests, no overnight accommodations - just the venue.
 
This is just one example and if you are seeing a venue that you love in a magazine or on Pinterest, generally the cost will be even more than the example I gave you! So today we are going to be talking about
managing your expectations.

Unless you have saved up an amazing amount of money for this wedding, chances are you are in the same boat as the rest of us. You don't have $100,000 to spend on your wedding day so unfortunately, you are not going to be able to afford your "dream" wedding. And I don't mean to put you down, but the quicker you realize that you may not get EVERYTHING you want for your wedding day, the more you will be able to just enjoy the experience!

This is what I always encourage my brides to do. Sit down with your fiancé and make a list of anything and everything you want to see and happen on your wedding day, starting with the venue.
 
- I want a long aisle surrounded by trees leading to a staircase which we will stand at the
top of for the ceremony
- I want chandeliers throughout the 20ft high ceiling ballroom
- I want a hotel within 5 minutes of the venue that will shuttle all of my guests to and
from the event at no cost
- I want some sort of lake or pond to take photos by
- I want an outdoor ceremony and an indoor reception with a separate outdoor area for cocktail hour

This is like your wish list - what would be everything you could ever imagine having at your wedding? From there, we need to start narrowing it down to your MUST-HAVE list.

If everything else were perfect, would you compromise on the 20 foot ceilings and settle for 10 feet? If the staircase was stunning but the aisle wasn't as long as you had imagined, would your wedding still be as
beautiful as you had imagined? Is there a hotel 15 minutes away that would be able to shuttle your guests with ample parking at the venue for those who wanted to drive? Can you party until midnight until 2am if you find those 20ft ceilings you wanted?

All of these questions should be asked before you start searching for your venue or else you are just going to get frustrated...I promise! So come up with a list of 3-5 must-haves for your wedding day and put them in order of importance. If you are able to get 3 of those within your budget, then I would say you are doing quite well!

If I leave you with one thing, it is this. Your wedding day will turn out beautiful and in the end, you will be marrying the love of your life. And the more you stress about finding everything on your list, the worse the experience will be for you. Even if you have $100,000 to spend, there is going to be something at every venue that may not be exactly perfect but that is okay! In the end, it will all seem perfect if you manage those expectations in the beginning!

Children Aren't Invited. How do I word my invites?

If you have a family with a TON of kids, then inviting all of them can definitely get very pricey! Kids 0-2 are generally free and 3-10 often have discounted rates - make sure to ask your venue and caterer for these rates
to see if you are going to be able to make them work within budget! And while you may be able to, it is YOUR wedding and you are not required to invite all of the kids!
 
Yes, this is a very difficult thing to tell parents and may even keep some parents from coming to your wedding so here are some tips for you whether or not you decide to invite them!
 
1. Hire a babysitter on site for all of the kids! That way, the parents can even go and check on their kids if needed! If a babysitter is not within budget, give parents the option of a loyal babysitter you know! Of course, none of this is required and is just an extra step in allowing all of your guests to come!
 
2. If you decide to invite kids, it is a great idea to have something fun for them to do so they don't get bored and scream and cry through your first dance! Bring coloring books, games, etc. or even set a small space
aside for them to watch a movie!

How to word invitations if children aren't invited:
 
There are many ways to word your invitations if kids aren't  invited: "No Children Please" or "Adults Only" are simple ways to write this but personally, I tell all of my brides to word it like this...
 
"We have reserved ___ seats in your honor."
 
In the blank spot, you write the number for each invitation you send out! If it is a family of 5 and you only want the parents there, then you write a 2. If it is a friend and you don't have room for them to bring a date, then you write a 1. Etc., etc. This is a very polite way of letting people know who is invited, as well as addressing the invite to those you are invited! While some children may be closer to you than others, this allows you to decide which children are invited (for example, your ring bearer and flower girl), and
which are not!
 
Just remember, this is YOUR wedding and you should invite those who you wouldn't want to spend your big day without!

Save the Dates

Now that we have decided on your date and your venue, the fun part of planning begins! We get to search Pinterest, look at colors, fabrics, and basically do all of the stuff that your fiancé is most dreading. Or you may be lucky (or unlucky?) and have ended up with a prince charming who would love to be involved and help out where he can! Well for some, this is a curse but for me, I loved how involved my husband was!

You must be beyond excited to announce your date to everyone so we are discussing save-the-dates today! There is no right way and no wrong way to send out save-the-dates but personally, I would recommend sending them out as soon as your date is set! You never know if Grandma and Grandpa may be planning their anniversary cruise three years in advance, or Aunt Sally is planning her family vacation for the following summer! While others may give different opinions, that is what I would recommend in order for everyone to plan their calendars around this celebration!

There are so many fun ideas out there on types of save-the-dates you can send out and there is no limit to the creativity on this! For our wedding, we did magnets so that each of our guests would always have a constant reminder to not set anything that weekend every time they went to make dinner, to get a popsicle from the freezer, or to crack a beer to start off the weekend! Ours were simple and yet a constant reminder for guests to see. Here is what ours looked like and for amazing deals on magnets, I highly recommend using Vista Print or WeddingPaperDivas where we ordered ours!

So I have compiled a variety of adorable and creative save-the-dates that I have seen used so you and your fiancé can get some ideas. And I would do something that would make your guests say, "Now that is TOTALLY Frank and Jenn!" Have fun, be creative, and make it your own! Until next time :)

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