I had no clue I was even doing it until we got engaged and began marriage counseling with our pastor. And then our pastor brought it up, and it struck me.
I was doing it almost every single day of my life, and it was not benefiting our relationship. In fact, it was severely hurting it. And once we moved in together after the wedding, I knew it would turn into a real problem, so I had to make a change quickly.
Argument after argument, I failed at arguing. Believe it or not, there is a proper way to argue or have discussions with your loved ones. I was lying every chance I got, and I had no idea that the words were even coming out of my mouth.
Before you get too worried, I am not a compulsive liar. Here is what was going wrong.
I was using exaggerations with every point I tried to make!
"You never clean your dishes!"
"You always leave your dirty clothes on the bathroom floor!"
Anyone heard that before?
NEVER and ALWAYS
My husband is not a slob, so clearly my statements were false. Of course he had done his dishes at least a dozen times before and of course he had put his clothes in the hamper many times in his life.
But in a rage of fury after (with this occurring maybe two days in a row), the words that came out of my mouth were completely and utterly false, and we both knew it!
Arguing Well
So without saying much more, my piece of advice for you is to argue well. Make your point because you have the right to a point, but don't exaggerate, embellish, or lie. It is not only not right, but it puts down your spouse in a negative way, rather than discussing the issue constructively.
The next time you disagree, think carefully about the words you are going to say, before they leave your lips. Never use ALWAYS and never use NEVER. It'll turn your arguments into discussions, and that means a happier marriage for all of us.
