To See or Not To See

Written with love, by Felicia Zammit-McMann

This is going to sound like a totally random question, but how many of you out there wear glasses? (I told you it was a random question.) The reason I ask is because, if you do, you will probably be faced with some stressful, if not perhaps insulting, questions regarding them and your wedding day.

I’ve worn glasses since I was 9 years old. Without them, I can’t see a thing past six inches from my face. I never even notice them any more, and they are so light on my face that I sometimes even forget I have them on. I’m not fully dressed in the morning until I put my glasses on. It’s part of who I am.

So during my engagement, I was shocked by how much of an annoyance they were, not to me, but to everyone else. During my first dress appointment, the consultant asked me if I would be wearing my glasses on my wedding day. That question came out of left field. “Why would I not wear them and why do you care?” That’s what I wanted to tell her, but instead I gave her a quizzical look, nodded my head and said yes, then changed the subject thinking to myself that it was an odd question – an odd question that suddenly started giving me a complex and making me self-conscious about wearing glasses. I felt like I was 9 years old again wearing glasses for the first time.

I shrugged it off after a while, but then it happened again! Twice!! I went to my hair and makeup trial a few months later, and both my hairdresser (who I’ve been going to forever) and makeup artist asked me the same question. Okay, what gives? No one cares that I wear glasses any other day, but now, all of a sudden, they’re making a fuss over it? Granted, you never see brides online or in magazines wearing glasses, but that’s not real life!

I was asked this question so much that I actually convinced myself that maybe I should try contacts and made an appointment with the eye doctor to get fitted for them. In hind sight, I can’t believe I did that. I hate how I look without glasses, so why, on the biggest day of my life, would I want to change a core part of who I am and what I look like?

What a nightmare that appointment was! I won’t get into the details, but right then and there, I put an end to that. If people didn’t like my glasses, then that’s something they were going to have to deal with. I was going to wear them, proudly!!

Months go by now, and it’s our wedding day. We’ve said our “I do’s” and we’re taking pictures, when all of a sudden, our photographer suggested I take some photos without my glasses. Seriously, again?!?! Okay, fine, a few photos, that’s it! I did it and wondered why. I’m squinting in all those photos because I can’t see the camera I’m supposed to be looking at. Not to mention, I was also getting a headache from not being able to see.

You know that stress you get when during your wedding planning process you want to please everyone and make everyone happy? This is what happens when you focus on that. You end up getting yourself frustrated and making yourself unhappy, when there is no need.

For me it’s glasses, but perhaps some of you have tattoos people want covered, or different colored hair people want dyed, or people telling you to lose or gain weight, or to do this or to do that because it’s your wedding day.

Yes, it’s your wedding day and here’s what you need to remember:

You want to be yourself on your wedding day, not someone others want you to be.

If you succumb to that pressure, you will regret it. You have to ask yourself this question: “Am I going to regret this 20 years from now?” If that answer is “Yes” or “Maybe,” do something about it for your wedding day. If you truly answer “No,” then by all means, do what makes you happy. Others will get over it, but you don’t want any regrets.

Is there something that others have been telling you to change about yourself for your wedding day? How have you dealt with that?