I come from a religious family, where moving in together before marriage was never an option in my eyes. That is what we believed marriage should be like, and that is what the statistics proved to end in a great marriage together, despite popular belief.

The only thing holding us back as we approached a couple months before our wedding day were finances. We both had great jobs, were financially independent from our parents and were fine covering each of our rent payments. But if you live in Los Angeles, you know that rent just isn't cheap. I was living in a 400 square foot studio, and paying $1250 per month which was fine, but how amazing would it be to save $1250 EVERY SINGLE MONTH? That would be going straight into our savings account! Sounds pretty amazing, huh?

But it all boils down to what is more important to you - marriage or finances.

Of course, there are plenty of couples who move in together before they get married, have a wonderful, prosperous 50+ year marriage and just defy those statistics. But statistics don't lie.

We all believe that "we won't be part of those statistics" because we love each other and cannot see our lives without each other. Well guess what? 99% of the population is deeply in love on their wedding day - it's pure bliss that seems like it will last a lifetime. But statistics don't lie, and many of us end up in divorce.

Why SHOULD we move in together before marriage?

- finances...adding to that savings account, paying off the wedding

- to find out if we can really live together? A trial run?

Those are the two best reasons we were able to think of, and then we began researching...

Why SHOULDN'T we move in together before marriage?

Divorce. That's the best reason I can think of. Divorce terrifies me and although I never foresee it in my future, I do my best to make sure we stick to everything that will help prevent divorce - managing our finances, apologizing, waiting a couple of years to have kids, being intimate, and so on.

When researching divorce statistics in regards to moving in together before the wedding, I found all kinds of results...

- a 50% higher divorce rate in couples who moved in together before marriage

- a 27% higher divorce rate in couples who were under 23 AND moved in together before marriage (we were young, so this applied)

- a 2% higher divorce rate and so on...

...and no matter what the statistics showed, there was ALWAYS a stronger correlation between moving in together and divorce. You may think, "Well it's only a 2% increase and that's not much" but isn't 0% better than 2% if you could just wait it out a couple of months?

Of course we can always defy odds, and plenty of us do. But before you put yourself in that category, remember that you have 15, 20, 60+ more years in order to be part of these statistics. Because marriage is not 5 years, it is a lifetime.

So before you jump on the bandwagon and move in together before you are married, think long and hard about what is right for you as a couple. Does saving $1250 every month for 3 months or a year have more value than a 2% increase in divorce? Why is it that you want to move in together?

I would love to hear your thoughts below on whether or not you moved in together (or will be moving in together) before the wedding and how you can to that decision?

I can't give you any advice from personal experience, but a majority of the weddings I have coordinated do involve divorced parents...and this doesn't make it easy on the bride or the groom. With emotions running high, couples tend to get stressed out by the tugging of each parent from either side, wanting it her way or wanting it his way. Or oftentimes, refusing to attend the wedding altogether if the other parent is there.

How is this fair at all? I am sure that divorce is not easy but come on now, let's act like adults here! It is not like they have to speak to each other. All it takes is for your parents to be cordial or to just avoid each other for one single night.

Below I have outlined some of the top areas of stress when it comes to divorced parents and planning a wedding and how to overcome these stresses.

The Ceremony

This is a tricky one because some of you may have multiple dads. So who will walk you down the aisle? Will feelings get hurt? It would be so much easier if we could just pick one dad and be done with it but unfortunately, this doesn't always work out. If you are closest with one of your dad's and the others are not exactly part of your life, then this is an easy choice! But generally, this is not the case.

I would always say to err on the side of inclusiveness. If you are in a sticky situation, make sure to include all of your family members. You can have two dads walk you down the aisle or you can include them in communion or your sand ceremony. All they want is to feel as though they are on an even playing field with each other and to feel included in your wedding day. Just remember, the reason they want this is because they love you!

The Father-Daughter and Mother-Son Dances

Dance with each parent for part of the song you choose. If you would like to have different songs, just cut them short so you can dance with all of your parents! That's all there is to it!

The Seating Chart

I know, I know. The seating chart is always difficult because you don't want your divorced parents to be anywhere near each other. But let's be real - besides dancing and hanging out at the bar, who turns to the table behind you during dinner to chat with someone else?

Guests tend to chat with those who are seated at their table so even placing your parents' tables back-to-back is not the end of the world. However, I would recommend placing them on "even" sides of the room. Don't give one a "better" seat in the house and put the other in the back because remember, we want everything to be on an even playing field so there is no potential for drama.

Refusing To Show Up

This happens more than you would expect - a parent refuses to show up to the wedding if the other is going to be there. And let me tell you the honest truth - they are fibbing! Your parents love you and are starting this drama because they love you so much and want to be part of your big day. So when a parent says they aren't going to come to your wedding, just brush it off and wait for it to blow over. Here is what I would recommend to anyone of you in this situation:

"Mom/Dad - This is my wedding day and I want it to be an amazing experience for me. I know you don't like each other but for once, can we please just focus on me. I would appreciate it if you were there to support me on my wedding day, regardless of mom/dad being there because I love you both and it just isn't fair to make me choose who I want there...because I want you BOTH there. If you really can't deal with being in the same room for one night then that is your choice but I would be very sad and hurt if you decided to not support me on one of the biggest days of my life."

Imagine saying that to your parent! If you remain calm and collective and just tell them how you feel, chances are everything will turn out just fine and you will have a drama-free day.

The Step Parents

I know the question of whether or not to include your step-parents in the wedding or not comes up a lot and here is the simple answer:

YES, you must invite whoever your parent re-married or are dating and YES, you need to include your step-parents in your family photos. You are more than welcome to do immediate family only photos but eliminating he or she from all photos on the wedding day is not something that will just blow over.

Invitations

I would recommend putting both names on the invitations unless there are some substantial circumstances. Let's just remember, we want everything to be even in order to keep that drama out! Yes, I know this makes the invitation that much longer and that much more complicated, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Here is an example of the longest invitation I have seen from one of my brides so you can see that it is possible to make it work!

Mr. and Mrs. (bride's father and wife)
and
Mr. and Mrs. (bride's mother and husband)
Request the honor of your presence
At the wedding of
(Bride)
and
(Groom)
son of
Mr. and Mrs. (groom's father and wife)
and
Mr. and Mrs. (groom's mother and husband)
etc. etc. etc....

So just remember one thing - your parents love you and want to be there to make your day absolutely perfect. Keep everything and everyone on an "even playing field" as much as possible to avoid the potential of drama interrupting this happy moment.

Living Together Before Marriage