We all know the saying, "Mom knows best" and I can tell you first hand, that this statement is generally (well, always) true. And then we get to a point where we are planning our wedding. Mom is beyond excited that she can hardly contain herself! She has found your dream dress in a matter of days after your fiance pops the question, and dad is paying so he feels that he should be able to invite all of his friends to this party he is throwing.

But as you know, outside influences can be one of the most stressful parts of planning a wedding.

A couple of months back, we had a blog post titled "Mom vs. Bride" which was pretty much on the same subject. And every inquiry I have gotten on the subject, I have referred brides to that article. While I may never know if my advice worked or didn't work for some of those brides, I began thinking to myself, "What if mom and dad actually do know best?"

I quickly came to the conclusion that no matter how often we tell ourselves that this is our wedding day and we should be able to have everything we want, we sound like complete brats. I mean come on here - I am trying to prevent all of you from getting the terrible outbreak of "bridezilla" and with my advice, I may even be encouraging this!

Now I will tell you this - I still believe that the advice I gave in my "Mom vs. Bride" post was great advice and can definitely help in many situations where family and friends are being far too overpowering. Believe me, that happens more often than not. And in our society where more and more couples are paying for their own weddings, they should have the choice of a wedding vision, right?

While there is not an exact formula for who should have a say in what, I believe that you should be respectful of everyone who wants to be involved. If there are too many people who want to be involved, then consider yourself blessed. I receive inquiries every day from brides who are upset because their families don't want to participate so before you think that you're stuck in a terrible situation, take a step back to understand that you are very lucky to have so many people that are beyond excited to help you out!

Now I understand that it can be overwhelming and you need to stand your ground so you don't get stressed out. But shoving people away is not the way to do it. Let them know that you have that specific item covered, and "assign" or give some options as to areas of the planning that you may need advice or help with. That way, you will get some items checked off of your to-do list and everyone who wants to be involved will be able to participate, without stepping on your toes.

When it comes to mom and dad, I have come to the conclusion that in reality, they may know best. Now I am not saying that just because dad is paying that he should be inviting all of his friends and leaving no room for yours. And mom definitely should not be making the final call on which dress you choose. In these cases, refer to my "Mom vs. Bride" article. But have you ever taken a step back to look at the true meaning behind the advice you are getting from others? Maybe your friend already got married and is giving you this piece advice because she ran into a problem the exact way you are trying to do it. Or maybe your mom really wants the best for you and in the end, she is just trying to help out!

No matter what you do, take a step back and ask yourself why people are trying to get you to do it their way. And once you figure that out, you can ultimately determine whether the advice is great for you or should be disregarded. In many cases, you're going to find that mom and dad do know what's best for you :)

I can't give you any advice from personal experience, but a majority of the weddings I have coordinated do involve divorced parents...and this doesn't make it easy on the bride or the groom. With emotions running high, couples tend to get stressed out by the tugging of each parent from either side, wanting it her way or wanting it his way. Or oftentimes, refusing to attend the wedding altogether if the other parent is there.

How is this fair at all? I am sure that divorce is not easy but come on now, let's act like adults here! It is not like they have to speak to each other. All it takes is for your parents to be cordial or to just avoid each other for one single night.

Below I have outlined some of the top areas of stress when it comes to divorced parents and planning a wedding and how to overcome these stresses.

The Ceremony

This is a tricky one because some of you may have multiple dads. So who will walk you down the aisle? Will feelings get hurt? It would be so much easier if we could just pick one dad and be done with it but unfortunately, this doesn't always work out. If you are closest with one of your dad's and the others are not exactly part of your life, then this is an easy choice! But generally, this is not the case.

I would always say to err on the side of inclusiveness. If you are in a sticky situation, make sure to include all of your family members. You can have two dads walk you down the aisle or you can include them in communion or your sand ceremony. All they want is to feel as though they are on an even playing field with each other and to feel included in your wedding day. Just remember, the reason they want this is because they love you!

The Father-Daughter and Mother-Son Dances

Dance with each parent for part of the song you choose. If you would like to have different songs, just cut them short so you can dance with all of your parents! That's all there is to it!

The Seating Chart

I know, I know. The seating chart is always difficult because you don't want your divorced parents to be anywhere near each other. But let's be real - besides dancing and hanging out at the bar, who turns to the table behind you during dinner to chat with someone else?

Guests tend to chat with those who are seated at their table so even placing your parents' tables back-to-back is not the end of the world. However, I would recommend placing them on "even" sides of the room. Don't give one a "better" seat in the house and put the other in the back because remember, we want everything to be on an even playing field so there is no potential for drama.

Refusing To Show Up

This happens more than you would expect - a parent refuses to show up to the wedding if the other is going to be there. And let me tell you the honest truth - they are fibbing! Your parents love you and are starting this drama because they love you so much and want to be part of your big day. So when a parent says they aren't going to come to your wedding, just brush it off and wait for it to blow over. Here is what I would recommend to anyone of you in this situation:

"Mom/Dad - This is my wedding day and I want it to be an amazing experience for me. I know you don't like each other but for once, can we please just focus on me. I would appreciate it if you were there to support me on my wedding day, regardless of mom/dad being there because I love you both and it just isn't fair to make me choose who I want there...because I want you BOTH there. If you really can't deal with being in the same room for one night then that is your choice but I would be very sad and hurt if you decided to not support me on one of the biggest days of my life."

Imagine saying that to your parent! If you remain calm and collective and just tell them how you feel, chances are everything will turn out just fine and you will have a drama-free day.

The Step Parents

I know the question of whether or not to include your step-parents in the wedding or not comes up a lot and here is the simple answer:

YES, you must invite whoever your parent re-married or are dating and YES, you need to include your step-parents in your family photos. You are more than welcome to do immediate family only photos but eliminating he or she from all photos on the wedding day is not something that will just blow over.

Invitations

I would recommend putting both names on the invitations unless there are some substantial circumstances. Let's just remember, we want everything to be even in order to keep that drama out! Yes, I know this makes the invitation that much longer and that much more complicated, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Here is an example of the longest invitation I have seen from one of my brides so you can see that it is possible to make it work!

Mr. and Mrs. (bride's father and wife)
and
Mr. and Mrs. (bride's mother and husband)
Request the honor of your presence
At the wedding of
(Bride)
and
(Groom)
son of
Mr. and Mrs. (groom's father and wife)
and
Mr. and Mrs. (groom's mother and husband)
etc. etc. etc....

So just remember one thing - your parents love you and want to be there to make your day absolutely perfect. Keep everything and everyone on an "even playing field" as much as possible to avoid the potential of drama interrupting this happy moment.

Mom and Dad Know Best

Dealing With Divorced Parents