Today we are throwing it back to one of our most gorgeous weddings of the year 2015, and one that I was the wedding coordinator for! Black and white with subtle touches of gold, this courtyard wedding displayed a simple yet sophisticated beauty that their guests (and myself) will never forget!
Click on the image below to see the full wedding and vendor credits!
There will come a time in your engaged life, where you and your fiance just can't agree. It may be the first dance song, or it may be the food or the cake flavor, and for some of you it may come a whole lot earlier in the game...
The frugal (and money-smart) side of you tells you to elope and put that money you would have spent toward your wedding on a house! But yet, society and your party side tell you, "You can always save up more money - weddings are fun and marriage is something important to share with your family and friends!"
Or maybe you are adamant on having a wedding and he is just ready to whisk you off your feet and elope already!
And this has now become the first marital discussion (or for most of you, argument) you will have together. If you can't get through something like this and come to some conclusion TOGETHER, then you can't make it through marriage.
So I've got one word for you:
Please don't give in just because you want to avoid an argument (the passive side of me does that all of the time and it's just not healthy). And don't just tell him, "because I said so." Because neither are going to get you very far.
If you lean toward the first, you may resent him for years to come and if you choose the second, he may resent you.
Not only do you need to compromise with each other, but compromise with yourself too.
Maybe you can have a ceremony with all of your family and friends, and then save all of that money you would have spent on a reception and put a down payment on a house.
Or maybe you can elope now and agree that once you have purchased a house and are financially comfortable in a couple of years, you can have an anniversary celebration, renew your vows, and have the reception you always dreamed of planning.
Whatever it may be and whatever the two of you come up with together, make sure you practice compromise. Because while the practice will never make perfect, you're going to need that in your marriage...might as well start practicing early!
I hear it time and time again...
"My fiance isn't doing anything to help me with the wedding plans. And I am frustrated!"
Did anyone ever say a wedding was a must? Did someone tell you that you had to plan an elaborate day to celebrate your marriage?
You may have that vision as your dream or someone else may be influencing it, but I am here to tell you that a wedding isn't something you are REQUIRED to have.
Before you begin ranting and raving about how he didn't get you the song list on time or how he wasn't excited to spend his entire weekend (the only two days he has off from work that week to relax) scouring venues all over the state to find the "perfect" one, remember that it is his wedding too!
Just because he doesn't seem to happy about crafting or spending weekend after weekend talking about wedding plans, doesn't mean he doesn't love you and doesn't mean he doesn't want to marry you. He may just not be that into planning a wedding. And that is okay!
Did you ever think that maybe he just wants a party with family and friends? And that every tiny detail doesn't matter to him, as long as he is married to YOU at the end of the day? Did you ever think about that?
To many grooms (and some brides too!), a wedding is just not that important. To some of us, a wedding day is about marrying the love of our lives, rather than slaving away for a year over details and spending money on little knick-knacks that are just going to be left by your guests and then thrown away by the banquet staff at the end of the night. To some of us, a wedding is a waste of time and a waste of money, and all that matters is the marriage.
I am not saying this is wrong and I am not saying this is right, but we all have different beliefs and expectations about our wedding day, so maybe his is just different than your vision!
So before you begin picking a fight - a useless fight that you aren't going to win - talk to your fiance abut what he/she wants in a wedding. Believe it or not, your "dream" wedding may be worlds apart, and this is probably where the disconnect is coming into play.
Maybe he hasn't called that venue for more information because he just doesn't like the look of it or feels it is far too expensive for a single evening. Or maybe she hasn't given you the playlist because her vision of a wedding is allowing guests to make requests so that everyone can enjoy and dance the night away.
Step one: Talk about those expectations and what each of you envision the wedding day looking like.
Step two: If your visions are different, compromise.
Step three: If you aren't willing to compromise your vision, then you can't get upset for a lack of participation.
Just TALK to each other about your feelings - if you can't now, you're going to have some trouble through marriage. And then come up with a plan so that each of you can work on the "tasks" that are truly important to each of you. And that way, planning the wedding becomes enjoyable for all, rather than a fighting fest over who hasn't completed their tasks on time :)
Rant over.
