Your Hill to Die On

I just love fighting with my husband!

...said no one ever. And while the bickering and the arguments are not fun, they are healthy. They prove that you are in this relationship, in this marriage for a reason. Disagreements prove that your marriage is worth fighting for and that although you may disagree on certain subjects, that you are willing to fight to stay together. You are willing to fight for a lifetime of happiness together.

A Quick Word On Counseling

For those of you who are engaged, I would highly recommend marriage counseling before the wedding. I know that word scares many of us, but it is healthy and needed.

My husband and I went to marriage groups at church and met personally for a six-week one-on-one class with our minister. And not only did we learn the ups and downs of marriage, we were able to discuss our finances, our roles at home, and everything that was going to be changing in our lives as soon as we said "I Do." While you may think you've talked about it all, I am sure there are items that haven't been (and should be) discussed. But I digress.

Through the counseling and the classes, there is one thing that has stood with me and in the midst of every argument - something I always remember.

Well that sure is a lie! I wish I was able to take it to heart during each and every disagreement, but I am definitely not even close to being perfect in that way. However, I want to share it with you so we can all learn and grow toward a more perfect marriage.

Your Hill to Die On

Every argument has a starting point. And while I have come to find out that half of our arguments have no clear direction because they are so meaningless, there is a reason for every single disagreement with your spouse.

I cannot even count how many times I have been frustrated at my husband throwing his shoes on the bedroom floor rather than inside the shoe bin in the closet. Or how many times I have been angry at him for not waking up on time. But what we really need to consider, is whether these arguments are really worth the fight. Are they?

You are going to bicker and yell and cry and scream but consider the reasons for all of this. Is the argument a make it or break it situation? Is your marriage and your life going to depend on it?

That is what a "hill to die on" argument is all about. It is about your truth and your passion for a particular subject. Do you absolutely have to raise your children Christian? Are you set on purchasing the less expensive home? Is that job change truly important to you? Those are the issues that are worth arguing for and are worth fighting for. And those are the disagreements that make a marriage, a marriage. They have truth, they have meaning, and they are important to you - so important that they are worth crying over, fighting over, and not liking your spouse for the next hour because of them.

So as you step into a new beautiful life as husband and wife, understand that the disagreements are going to happen...believe me, they will be there. Because we are all unique and we each have our own beliefs. But not every argument is worth fighting and while it may seem easy to understand right now, I dare you to think about your "hill to die on" the next time you encounter an argument with your fiance or your spouse. Is it a fight that is truly worth fighting?

What It's All About

Last Friday I was driving to an appointment through the canyon roads, and the radio host said the word "wedding." Of course, this totally caught my attention, as anything wedding-related does. So my ears perked up, and I listened.

He began to introduce a new song that recently came out, that he predicted would be the top wedding first dance song this summer...and if not this summer, absolutely the top for the 2015 year. I was really listening now...I just had to hear the song!

About five seconds in, the radio started to cut out. Yes, I was in the middle of the canyon roads on my way to Malibu, so this is an often occurrence. Luckily, I caught the name of the song so as soon as I got home, I looked it up. While a very catchy song and clearly written for couples, I began listening more closely to the lyrics. And it is not often that I stop and think about the lyrics of a song, but these lyrics caught my attention.

Not only do they describe a wonderful relationship, but a wonderful marriage. To me, they were a great portrayal of what a marriage is all about. And so, I wanted to share them with you! You may or may not choose this song for your first dance, but I promise you, you will learn some great things from the lyrics. So take a listen, and then continue reading as I dive into the lyrics and what they have taught me!

Your relationship and your marriage are all about the little things. As soon as you get out of that honeymoon stage, there is no longer a wedding to plan or a honeymoon to look forward to. Everything leading up to the wedding may seem huge but in a real marriage, most days are just normal days where nothing crazy or extravagant happens. So embrace the little things in life and begin to love those little moments with your husband or wife.

"The way you curse when we're in traffic
A million flavors of your chapstick
The way that you keep my heart captive

The way you like to sing my songs
You always know when something's wrong
The way you say you miss me when I'm gone

The things you do that show you care
You're always down for truth or dare
Freeze this moment; let me stop and stare"

Keep those memories close because those memories are the building blocks of your relationship and have brought you two together, have bonded you, and have helped form the amazing relationship, the amazing marriage the two of you now have.

"The Journey concert in AC
Remember we sang faithfully?
I still got that old hotel room key"

And remember those vows that you made, "through good times and bad" and keep those vows close to your heart. It is one thing to say them, but it is putting them into action that makes your marriage strong.

"For better or for worse
No matter how it hurts
You've got me to hold your hand
I promise you the world"

Live every moment in your marriage, like it's your last. You never know when God will request your presence in Heaven, so make the most of every day, and every second you have together.

"In your wedding dress
We'll dance till no one's left
Don't wanna blink my eyes
Don't wanna miss a thing"

And above all else, take your marriage seriously. Live your life together, not separately, because you two are now becoming one. A strong marriage takes work. A strong marriage lasts forever.

"'Cause I can't wait for you to be my wife
To live this life together
And I won't let you go
I need you to know
That you are my heart, forever
And on and on and on"

I hope you were able to see how beautiful the lyrics to this song are, and how much we need to take them to heart. It is all fun and games planning our wedding, but planning our marriage is what we truly need to focus our time and attention on, to ensure we live a happy and healthy life together, forever.

At the End of the Tunnel

One of my very favorite parts of being a blogger, is getting to know my readers. When I get a comment on a post, a question from a bride on my Instagram, or a retweet, I cannot help but smile. Seriously, it literally makes my day and brings the biggest smile to my face. I love hearing your stories, helping you through the planning process, and am ecstatic when I finally get to see the stunning photos from your big day! So thank you for being you and for making my job enjoyable each and every day.

Every once in a while, I run into a bride with an amazing story that I cannot help but share with all of you. Not only is Olivia's story beautiful, but I think that each and every one of you (including myself) can learn an extremely valuable lesson from what you are about to read. I would like you to take her story to heart, and apply it to your own life, your own wedding planning experience.

People always say "If something goes wrong at your wedding no will notice but you." I used to take this advice with a grain of salt, however the day I got engaged, is when I began to believe it. In October of 2013, I was in my final year of my undergraduate studies, taking five courses, conducting research, applying to graduate school, and working two jobs... needless to say I had a lot going on and was stressed out! In my own mind, I always felt that I would know or have some sort of clue right before getting proposed to.. I'm a bit hard to surprise ;) However, with being so preoccupied with everything else, this actually worked to my (now) fiancé’s advantage, because I had absolutely no clue before he proposed. 

My Birthday was soon approaching and I've always been one to plan something to do for my birthday, however that year I was not really up to adding something else on my plate to organize. My birthday fell on a weekday and I had two exams and a paper due as well which meant no time to celebrate. With not wanting to plan anything, my mom finally convinced me to have a small dinner with close friends and family the weekend before my birthday at my parents' house. That same week before, I broke out into a rash from mental stress, I was barley spending anytime with my (now) fiancé Victor, so getting proposed to was literally the last thing on my mind. I even almost cancelled my dinner that morning...but I'm so GLAD I didn't :) 

Ever since I was a little girl, my dad would do scavenger hunts on my birthday to find my present, and the number of clues would be the age I was turning. Because I was having friends and family over, my parents convinced me to still do the "clues" before dinner. I turned to Victor (since he's done them with me for the past several years), and he denied participating in helping me. At this point I was frustrated with him (which also worked to his advantage later on) and began with my clues. The 2nd to last clue read "this is where we get the mail"... located two houses down. I rushed over to mail box, and the last clue read "look behind your mom's pool float. Happy Birthday!" I was excited rushing to the backyard where I walked straight passed my group of guy friends not noticing Victor was not there (since I was still frustrated with him for not participating lol) as my parents were finishing taping up a huge box. I had asked for a new dresser set for my birthday, and since I was completely oblivious to the engagement...that's what I thought was in the box. There was a card on top, and as I opened it I saw Victor's name signed on the right side of the card (still oblivious, I thought he signed the card that was from my parents for my “dresser set”). As I turned to the left of the card, I noticed his writing, and the first sentence began with when he first laid eyes on me at 16. As I continued reading my eyes filled with tears and I could barely finish reading the words before me. The end of the card read “do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Open box” I began to start opening the box and my heart began frantically racing as he slowly poked his head out. It was so sweet watching him try to stay on one knee and get out of the box at the same time. After he said the words "will you marry me," my knees got weak and I began to shake. I had so many emotions, and cried so hard I literally forgot to say yes.. It was perfect. 

No matter what stress I was going through before, none of it mattered at that moment. Once he proposed, in pictures, all you could see was how happy and surprised I was. The advice is true, no one but me would have known that I wore that long sleeve shirt to hide my rash, or that my eyes were tired from waking up early to finish homework, because in that moment they were lit up, and my smile was bigger than ever. Although it was a stressful period in my life, I’ve always thought it was the worst and BEST time to get engaged. I can’t wait to marry the love of my life, June 20th of 2015.

It is inevitable, you will run into struggles, stress, anger and every other emotion you can possibly think of not only in planning your wedding, but in your marriage. And through Olivia's story, I want you to take two things away:

1. No one but yourself will know that anything went wrong on your wedding day. So if and when something that seems so terrible, out of the ordinary, and not as planned happens, just smile and know that it is your little secret. And smile bigger because you know that in everyone's eyes, your wedding was just perfect.

2. In your marriage, there will be ups and downs no matter what, because that is what makes a marriage a marriage. But just know that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. If you work at it, the hard times will end and while you will always know that struggles large and small will come along the way, there will always be light, happiness, and love.