The Key to Marriage: The Happy Chemical

Written with love, by Pastor Dave Page

A marriage therapist recently shared a story with me about a wife who announced to her husband that she wanted a divorce. As a last ditch effort they went to the therapist for counseling. The therapist asked them to connect each day by touching each other for five minutes. This simple technique saved their marriage and with additional counseling, helped the relationship grow to a new level of intimacy. For many couples, it’s not so much that they’ve lost that loving feeling as much as they just stopped cuddling.

Remember when you first got married? You could hold each other for what seemed like forever talking about anything and everything? By the ten-year mark, only a third of couples still have cuddle talking sessions, according to Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of The Secrets Of Happily Married Women. He believes couples need to keep cuddling and so do I.

So here are 10 benefits of cuddling:

1. Cuddling connects couples.

Holding each other releases the bonding hormone, oxytocin, which I like to call the cuddle chemical. Oxytocin is a hormone that does everything from making you feel good to helping you feel connected to your spouse. Oxytocin is crucial in the act of cuddling.

2. Cuddling boosts your immune system.

When you’re so in love you feel invincible, you’re experiencing oxytocin release. Oxytocin also increases hormones that help fight infection.

3. Cuddling relieves pain.

Just as it boosts your immune system, cuddling and releasing oxytocin will decrease your pain levels.

4. Cuddling helps deepen your relationship.

Communication is important in relationships, but people often forget how effective and meaningful touch can be. Life is stressful. Try coming home from work and cuddling with your spouse for just five minutes a day. This brief break from the stress of everyday life, will not only give you all the other benefits listed here, but will also deepen your relationship.

5. Cuddling can lead to more.

Even non-erotic touch can release dopamine, which is a hormone that increases sexual desire. Getting a sweet hug or massage from your partner after a long day can lead to more, which is win-win for both of you!

6. Cuddling helps women bond.

Oxytocin not only inspires good feelings between couples, it also works for women and their babies. Oxytocin helps relax the mother, so that breastfeeding may come more easily. It also enables sleep, even when the mother might have difficulty sleeping with a newborn in the house.

7. Cuddling reduces social anxiety.

Oxytocin inspires positive thing. It helps you have an optimistic outlook on the world. When you get a hug as you arrive at a party where you only know one person, you’re going to feel happier and more social going in.

8. Cuddling reduces stress.

When you’re feeling more connected with your spouse and you’re feeling confident in social situations, your immune system is stronger … so what do you have to be stressed about?

9. Cuddling lowers your risk of heart disease.

Yep, oxytocin again! All the benefits listed above add together to reduce stress, anxiety, lower blood pressure and, you’ve got it, loweryour  risk of heart disease!

10. Cuddling makes you happy.

The closer you and your spouse are while you sleep, the more likely you are to feel happy with your relationship, according to a recent surveyat  the Edinburgh International Science Festival.

Women often fault men saying they don’t like to cuddle and jump too quickly to sexual intercourse. According to the newest Kinsey Institute’s research, this isn’t usually the case. The research shows that among couples in committed relationships, tenderness may be more important to the man than the woman; regular kisses and cuddling lead to greater relationship satisfaction in men than in their partners, especially as they grow older.

Cuddling is so important that people will even pay for it. I’m not kidding. Jackie Samuels, from Rochester, New York, started a new business called Snuggery. For $60, Jackie cuddles with strangers for an hour. For $300, she spends the night, and to be clear, what she's doing, is strictly cuddling, hugging and hand-holding. Jackie claims her business yields tangible benefits. It’s been scientifically proven that human touch releases Oxytocin, a chemical that makes us happy.

The fact is, couples that cuddle stay together.

Written by a husband who loves to cuddle with his wife :)

After the Wedding: How to Change Your Last Name

Changing your last name is one of the most exciting parts of the wedding...at least it was for me! I changed my last name on Facebook the night of the wedding I was so excited!

But regardless of whether or not you're THAT excited, it's something that must be done. And believe me, it is a LONG PROCESS that must be done in a very particular order in order to work!

To make it a little easier on you, I've made a chart of the steps to changing your name on all of your important documents. Between each step, is a waiting game. You have to first wait for your marriage license to come, then your social security card with your new last name, and finally your new driver's license in order to complete the checklist.

So follow these steps carefully and make sure you have all of the necessary documents to prevent frustration and time wasted.

BIG HINT

Make appointments BEFORE heading over to complete each of the steps. It will save hours of your life! Believe me, I learned the hard way :/

Now we want to hear what your new last name is going to be! Comment below :)

The No-Show: When A Bridesmaid Drops Out

When I first started blogging, there were two questions that I got asked a whole lot. And honestly, I'm surprised every time they come up!

1. Can I kick a bridesmaid out of my wedding party?

2. What do I do if a bridesmaid drops out on her own??

Never in a million years would I have imagined these questions needing answers but if you are are in the same boat as the many other brides who have asked, just know that you are not alone!

So for the past couple of months, I've been pondering these questions, talking to many of our bride readers in similar situations, and have been working on figuring out why this continues to happen and what is the best way to go about these situations.

Let's start with the WHY.

Why does this happen so often?

Recently I had the pleasure of speaking with one of our bride readers who needed some help with a specific situation she was going through during her wedding plans. We chatted for about a week back and forth and I offered my best advice to her. I don't always have an answer, but part of being a wedding coordinator is being like friend to all of you to get you through the stressful times and into a happy marriage.

Anyways, her situation was completely unrelated but in one of her emails, she wrote this:

"It is almost like I am being punished for getting married."

And then it clicked.

Jealousy.

We all know that girls can get VERY jealous and your wedding day is no different. In fact, a wedding often heightens that jealousy among friends and family.

You're the first to get married and she is jealous of your happiness.

You are younger than her and she doesn't think it's fair that you found love before her.

And the list goes on...

Now that may not be the only reason, but I have come to find that it seems to be a top reason among the brides who I have spoken to.

So through your wedding, your friends and family are going to show their true colors and that is something you should be prepared for. You may lose friends due to jealousy and in that case, they definitely weren't the kind of friends that you want standing by your side on your wedding day anyways. You want true friends who are happy just because you are happy...the same quality you've found in a husband.

What should I do about it?

There are two questions we're trying to answer today and the answers are very simple.

1. You can do whatever your heart desires but if you kick a bridesmaid out of your party, just know that you will NEVER be able to re-kindle that friendship. Think long and hard and have a very good reason for doing so. Don't make any sudden decisions just because you're stressed and realize that this decision will last your lifetime.

2. So what? If she no longer wants to be a bridesmaid, then why would you want to try to convince her to do so? Clearly, she is not the type of person you want standing up there with you anyways. And who cares that your sides are now uneven...mine were!

No matter the friend and no matter the circumstance, always take a deep breath and realize that today not only does your wedding mark the beginning of the next chapter in your life, but is an experience that will allow you to see who your friends and family truly are and who you want to be by your side and to have your back for the rest of your life.