Bridesmaid Expectations

You're the first of your friends to find the love of your life and make the big step of tying the knot.

I'm very sorry.

Being the first comes with a lot of responsibility. You set the stage. You show them the ugly (potential) sides to planning a wedding. You completely distort their image of the reality of planning a wedding.

You have the hardest job in the world: education.

The Reality of the Word "Wedding"

You may not be a teacher, and you may be a teacher. I don't know because I don't know you. But if you're the first to get married in your group of friends, you're going to have a lot of teaching to do.

No one knows the reality (cost) of a wedding. I was the first of my friends to get married and I love hearing about the dreams they all have for their future weddings. While I am not going to break their dreams now (the fact that their dream wedding is going to cost about $2.7 million), I think some reality sank in when the first bridesmaid item was purchased....the dress.

No bridesmaid knows the reality of the word "wedding." No matter what the item is, when the word "wedding" is added to the description, the price immediately doubles...at least! And you have the task of informing your bridesmaids that they may go broke. Just kidding! But if they don't manage their finances well, that could potentially be the truth!

So without saying anything else, I am going to leave you with another one of my images that speaks for itself. It'll give your bridesmaids a rough idea of what is costs to hold that honorable title.

And you'll have to check back on Monday for the best tips you could ever get on how to make sure your bridesmaids can afford to be in your wedding (without going broke), and how you can help them get there (without paying for their items). Until then, enjoy!

A Gift That Will Never Tarnish

Written with love, by Chris Whirlow

China patterns...towel sets...coffee makers... 

Since Bridal Registries began in 1924, these were the perennial items on every bride’s list.  Once set up to ensure a new couple received exactly what they needed to start their new life together, bridal registries eventually evolved into very loose "gift suggestions".  

Preferences for patterns, colors and brands are rarely adhered to. In a perfect world, these lists would prevent duplicate gifts (mine didn't). Today many couples live together before getting married, so they are already well stocked in basic household items.

Often times, couples that are planning a wedding may also simultaneously be purchasing a new home together. Between banquet halls and bridal gowns, moving expenses and settlement costs, some couples decide to forgo a honeymoon to keep expenses down. Once you put off your honeymoon, it's easier to keep putting it off (I know from experience). And when you start to think about expanding your family with children, chances are the next trip you take might be to Disney World. Now I love Disney World, but maybe you originally envisioned your honeymoon on a tropical beach.... and possibly with just the two of you!

So you may already have all the dishes, hand towels, toasters and coffee makers you need, but your loved ones still want to present a gift to you at an engagement party or bridal shower. On top of that, the expenses of your wedding and new home are making you think you should skip a honeymoon entirely!

A perfect solution to both of these dilemmas is a Honeymoon Registry. Honeymoon Registries let your loved ones make gifts toward your honeymoon expenses by selecting an item on your registry they would like to purchase for you. Their gifts can dramatically offset the cost of your honeymoon. Items on a typical Honeymoon Registry generally include: airfare, upgraded rooms, romantic dinners on the beach, and car rentals for example. There are several websites that allow you to set up your registry for an administration fee.

Our  complimentary Honeymoon Registry works like this: 

1. We work with you to plan a honeymoon that fits your wishes, needs and budget.

2. We construct a registry for you to approve that includes multiple gift items in varying monetary amounts.

3. We email you a sample registry notice to be distributed to friends and family with website and contact information

4. 100% of the gifts received go directly to your honeymoon balance.

5. The gift givers receive a printable, personalized gift notice to be included with their cards to you.

6. A detailed accounting of all the gifts, plus a final honeymoon balance is provided once the registry is closed.

No fees, returns or gift-wrap! Gift givers, and brides and grooms alike love how easy it is. 

One last registry option for the bride and groom who have it all is a Registry for Charity. This allows your loved ones to make a donation to the charities that are closest to your heart.

So you have a few options to choose from. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s a choice that makes sense to you, and what is most important to you as a couple right now.

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LC Travel Consultants

No booking fees. Expert planning. Value added services. LC Travel Consultants.

The Dirty Dishes of My Marriage

Rewind 10 years...

Here we are 10 years ago!

It's 6:37pm and my 14-year-old self is sitting at the dinner table at my home in Novato, California with my three sisters and parents. I've just completed my meal and still have some homework to finish so I politely ask, "May I be excused?"

"Yes, you may be excused," says my dad.

I stand up, pick up my plate and milk glass, walk over to the kitchen sink, rinse my dishes and stick them in the dishwasher...and I am off to my homework.

Fast forward 9 years...

Our very first photo of Baxter Bane!

I am now 23 years old, just married and finally get to move in with my husband. Crazy how cool the word husband sounds right about now! It is such a blissful time and nothing seems to be able to break that permanent smile on my face. The honeymoon is over, we've gotten our first child - Baxter Bane, our little boxer puppy - and it is time for "real life" to settle in. And what does that involve? Family dinners, just like the dinner described above but with only two of us to start out.

I make a real dinner, like actually look at a recipe and cook it like my mom used to do, and it turns out fantastic! (Sorry, I can't remember what it was.) Our bellies are full so I get up with my plate and cup, rinse them off and stick them in the dishwasher. As I begin walking over to feed the newest member of our family, my husband follows behind and goes straight to the couch to watch some TV.

But his plate is still on the counter.

While I don't think much of it at first, this exact scenario continues to happen, each and every time we have dinner, only our puppy is much bigger each time it happens.

I just don't get it! Does he think I am his maid? Is this what our marriage is going to be like forever??

Fast forward 3 months...

The dirty plates sit there, over and over, waiting for me to clean them. And finally I am at my breaking point. I am not going to describe what happened next because it wasn't pretty. There was a lot of screaming and a lot of crying and I just couldn't take it anymore. How could he be so rude?!

He had no idea. Like no idea whatsoever why I could possibly be so upset. And this confused me...like A LOT.

And then it happened. Something that would change the way I viewed my marriage forever.

...words finally came out of his mouth, "You cleaned your own dishes growing up? My mom has always done our dishes for us so I didn't realize it was so important to you."

And there it was. Plain and simple and yet so important to the health of our marriage.

Fast forward 6 months...

I'm sitting here writing this article, and look what is sitting next to me.

You guessed it! That is my husband's plate from dinner last night. And do you want to know the funny thing? It doesn't anger me. In reality, I am not upset in the slightest!

The 25-Year Habit

We all grow up in different families, with different lives, and different ways of doing things. And just because my husband's mom washed his dishes from the time he was born and my parents made us clean our own dishes from before I can remember, doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with either one of us. It doesn't mean that either one of our parents was better at parenting. They were just different.

Believe me, my husband is amazing at offering to help me out. He will clean the dishes, vacuum, feed our very large puppy, and even make dinner if I ask. But the one task he just cannot seem to remember no matter how hard he tries, is his 25-year "habit" of leaving his dinner plate on the table.

Now I could yell at him and get mad as often as I would like but in the end, that is not going to make our marriage any better. In fact, that will make it much much worse. We have had our fair share of arguments over dirty dishes and I can promise you that it is not worth it.

What are the dirty dishes of your marriage?

So the next time you are angry at your husband (or fiance or boyfriend or girlfriend or wife) for whatever it may be, take a quick moment among all of the craziness inside your head and ask him or her how something like that would've been handled in their household growing up. Take a moment to listen to their side of the story and my guess is that a majority of the time, there is very long habit you are trying to get them to break. And it's not easy. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you and it doesn't mean that he isn't trying really really hard.

And if you take this advice and take it to heart, I promise you that your arguments will cut in half. There has to be some give and take in a marriage. It's not your way or the highway.

Who says the way your parent's taught you is better than his? Because no way is better. They are just different. And accepting those differences is what I have learned in our short 9 months of marriage, that has truly changed our relationship for the better.

Learning to accept the dirty dishes in your marriage will absolutely fill your marriage with a lot more love, warmth, and happiness.