Creating Your Own Reality

I know, I know. It is easier said than done. Planning a wedding is hard work - is is stressful, overwhelming, tiring, and a full-time job on top of your full time job. You have to plan the vendors, the timeline, budget out your earnings each month just to cover your costs, and plan all of the little details in between while you have your friends and family pulling you from every direction.

This absolutely sounds stressful, I completely agree with you! And just reading that first paragraph probably stressed you out even more than you were already overwhelmed with today's wedding to-do list.

But we are going to change that. We are going to turn those negative, overwhelming thoughts to positives.

Together, let's create a new reality.

Who is creating your reality?

You create your reality, your life, each and every day. Personally, I think that weddings are stressful, because society tells you it is stressful.

Think about it...if everyone you had ever met, every article you had ever read, and everything you had ever seen in regards to weddings was positive, upbeat, and altogether a happy occasion, even throughout planning, your mindset would be completely different. The idea that weddings are stressful and overwhelming wouldn't even cross your mind!

But wouldn't you be doing the same amount of work?

You would still have another full time job. You would still need to choose your perfect vendors. And you would still be working with a tight budget. But your overall mindset would be that this experience is positive. Those negative thoughts would not be there, because you wouldn't know any better.

What if from the time you were born, vegetables were delicious and dessert was disgusting? It would be hard to imagine the other way around but because our society has told us the opposite, our minds believe it.

Turn the negatives into positives!

Your mind is a very powerful thing, if you haven't already realized it. So if all of what I am saying is true, then why can you not create your own reality?

Why not turn your negatives into positive, each and every day of planning your wedding?

"My family is pulling me in every direction!"

While this sounds stressful, think of it as your loving family doing everything they can to help you and to make your wedding day as perfect as can be!

"It's so hard to choose my vendors...there are just too many options!"

I know that choosing your perfect vendors is difficult, but what if there was only one vendor in the whole world? You may or may not like their work so wouldn't that be even worse? Because there are hundreds of vendors out there to choose from, you have the opportunity to choose one that is absolutely perfect for your budget and your vision.

"It's like a full-time job! And I already have a full-time job!"

And your full-time job on top of full-time wedding planning: I know you say it's overwhelming, but isn't it nice to get a little break from your "real" full-time job and do some Pinterest perusing? Or getting a breath of fresh air on your lunch break speaking with that florist you totally cannot wait to book because of her beautiful work? Isn't it nice to be able to spend hours upon hours planning one of the most exciting, beautiful, and meaning days of your life?? I think so!

Create Your Own Happiness

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Because you have been told so, planning your wedding is just way too stressful. Your mind has turned every beautiful part of planning into a negative...just because they told you so.

But with every negative, there is always a positive...I promise! And with that powerful mind of yours, you can find it and make your experience a positive one.

It may rain, pour, or even thunder on your wedding day, but how amazingly unique and beautiful will your photos be?

You can find a positive in every single negative. So start every day, every moment, and your new life together with a positive mindset. You're setting the stage for the rest of your life.

How I Met Your Mother

I asked four couples to write down the story of how they first met, but from each of their own perspectives. They weren't allowed to talk to each other about it, or see what each other wrote. And each sent me their story...

Before we go any further, I would like to you choose one of the four adorable couples below. And after reading one and getting the chills (at least I did!), I am sure you'll want to read the rest. And that is fine too :) But make sure you read at least one from beginning to end before you read on. Just click on a photo below to start!

Lindsay & Leonardo
...tying the knot June 20, 2015

What did you notice about the stories you read? I was actually very surprised at how similar each of their perspectives were about the first time they met - from the exact meal each ordered, to the scents and the sounds they remember. But while the guy's perspective and the girl's perspective were extremely similar in each case, I think we can all agree that there were differences.

While he may have remembered the music playing in the background when they first saw each other, she remembered the way his beard looked. While the big pictures were the same, the tiny details did have slight differences. This does not mean one was right and the other was wrong, but they were just different.

I want you to remember these stories - their similarities and their differences, and apply them to your own life...your own marriage. And if you have to, take a couple minutes to write down your story, and have your fiance write down his story, and compare the two. Not only is it fun to see what the other remembers, but I am sure you will get the chills when you hear how he remembers what you looked like, your scent, and how he felt at the time.

Everyone is different. I know that is a very simple statement, but when it comes to planning a wedding and planning a marriage, we often forget that no matter what, we are different. We grew up in different households, with different families and friends, with a variety of influences on our lives, and no matter how close you may be to each other, you will each view the world from a different pair of eyes. Everything you see, smell, hear, and touch may be seen the same, but will always be interpreted differently.

The Big Picture

So while the "big picture" in both of your lives may be the same, the tiny details along the way are always going to differ. And because of this, conflicts arise. You may not agree on the color of tie the groomsmen should wear or the overlays that will be used on the tables. And you may not agree on the wall colors you want to have in your first home together, or the type of dog you want to get. But just remember, that these are the tiny details that make you, YOU.

The two of you have found each other because of your differences. I don't know about you, but I would not want to marry a clone of myself. I embrace the differences my husband and I have, because that is what makes our relationship so unique...so special.

So as you read the stories above, or begin to write your own, just always remember that the big picture is what matters in the end. Each of the amazing couples featured above, pretty much told the same story of how they met, with different details along the way. And in your own life, the details of planning your wedding are only going to get you to the big picture...your lifelong marriage. So embrace your differences. Understand that you will not agree on the tiny details every time, because that is what makes you so unique. That is why he is madly in love with you.

As long as the two of you have the same "big picture," then just let the details go and have fun with the amazing journey you are now starting together. There is no need to stress over a disagreement about what meal you want to serve your guests. I know that our society puts so much pressure on each of you to have that very Pinterest-Perfect, fairytale wedding. But in five years, are you really going to remember these details? Your wedding day is a celebration of the two of you - two unique human beings coming together into one marriage. And that is all there is to it!

Think about the big picture. Think about what truly matters.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Stress.

That's what The Overwhelmed Bride is all about! We talk about relieving stress or avoiding stress altogether. But have you ever really thought about why you are stressed as you plan this big day? It may stem from the fact that there are just too many items on your to do list, you can't seem to find that perfect dress, or every vendor you love is far over your budget.

There are far too many forms of stress that enter into our bodies and minds as soon as he pops the question. "Everyone is asking when our wedding is and we haven't even discussed a date! Am I already behind before the planning has even started??" Believe me, I was there too! The second you call your friends to share the exciting news, the first question is always, "When is that big day??"

Really?? I said "yes" only a couple minutes ago and the whole world expected me to have my wedding planned!

Are you nervous?

A couple weeks before my wedding day, I remember a conversation I had with my dad on the phone very vividly. He asked me, "Are you stressed? Or nervous at all?" Not thinking much of it, I chuckled and responded, "Of course not! I've got it all under control."

Obviously my dad knows I am a wedding planner so it seemed like such a silly question, one that was just a normal question for anyone to ask me. It came along with the territory of being an almost Mrs. I didn't think much of it...until I heard his response.

"You know, it's a good thing to be a little nervous. Yes this is a wedding and there many things going on. But more importantly, this is a marriage. A marriage is a huge decision so some nervousness would be good for you."

While the conversation didn't go much further, I began thinking about the purpose of this blog and how I am always telling brides to calm down, without realizing that I may actually be in the wrong!

The Origin of Stress

There are two different origins of stress when it comes to planning a wedding:

1. The bad kind of stress: This is the stress that comes from planning a "wedding" rather than a "marriage." If you are stressed about the napkins or the floral or your makeup, then I will continue by telling you to calm down. This is the kind of stress that is bad, that makes you unhappy and that ruins the positive experience that planning a wedding should be!

We worry far too much about what others will think, trying to make our wedding better than any wedding we've ever been to, and are nervous about the "event" or the "party" we are throwing. We stress about something going wrong on that one day. While I know it is overwhelming and you often can't help it, by all means, do whatever you can to contain this type of stress.

2. The good kind of stress: The good kind of stress stems from planning your "marriage" rather than your "wedding." Marriage means the rest of your life. It is a huge decision and although you love this man or woman with all of your heart, there is nothing wrong with a little nervousness when you think about the huge commitment you will be making. This is not just a one day event - it is forever.

Living in a world full of divorce, I think that a little nerves and stress are a good thing. And if you don't feel these feelings, then you may need to do a little thinking about your life and the vows you will soon be taking. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly and while you may know deep down in your heart that he or she is the one, no matter how perfect we are for each other, we will all run into bumps along the way. And no matter how deeply in love we are at this time, we see so many deeply in love couples that don't work out.

Embrace the Nerves

While this may be the craziest thing you've ever heard me say, as it is defying The Overwhelmed Bride's ultimate purpose, I want you to embrace those good nerves and the stress that comes along with your marriage. This is one of the biggest (if not the biggest) commitment you will ever make, so soak it all in and just know that those nerves are what allow you to know that you are taking this seriously. You are thinking about your future. Your life. Embrace it.

So what about the bad stress?

Stay tuned for our very exciting new blog series called "100 Stress Free Tips & 100 Vendors Who Will Get You There" that will start tomorrow!! The series will go over many unique ways (very very unique ways) to handle that bad stress and will feature many of our favorite vendors! Can't wait :)